The Monkey's Cheese!

Friday, October 24

Kylie wants me to update this so she has something to do because clearly, she is bored.

I have nothing to say for you Kylie, im sorry.

On the weekend i'm probably gonna get stoned & hang out.

Kylie I think YOU are the loser.

[ posted by Mr.P @ 15:21 ] 0 Comments

Agh, i woke up so late today, all i had time to do was get dressed and run to the train station, so im pretty tired at the moment, and my eyes are all watery and it's annoying.
We had a proper band prac yesterday, no one was over and it was really good actually, it just felt much more relaxed.
We've decided to cut out F.T.P from the cd and replace it with "Nananana!" because F.T.P i dont think reflects where we are anymore and i just think the other is a better song, so hopefully Clay will be cool with that.
Umm.. i think that's it.. today's friday, this weekend i should do something constructive, like get a haircut and stuff, i probly wont cuz im a lazy shit. But i should.

[ posted by Mr.P @ 09:45 ] 0 Comments

Thursday, October 23

The chimp is here..
Mr.George Bush is coming to Australia!
It's interesting that members of parliament are being told to show respect to a major, major crook and war criminal, indirectly involved in the deaths of over 10,000 people in the last year alone.
I don't see G.W as being personally responsible for those deaths, i do however, see him as someone who had the power to stop it from happenning and didn't, and yes he is a crook.

He's the most perfect puppet as well, you'd have to be naive to think that G.W calls the shots, do you think the administration would let that stupid monkey call the shots? no way, he is a puppet, the best they come too. Why is he so good? Because he doesn't understand, he doesn't know, he doesn't want to know.

You can't be guilty of something you don't know or understand.

G.W was put into his position, not because of his own drive and motivation, oh no, there are more powerful forces that installed him in that position to use him to achieve their ends ...

.. I once had a dream with G.W, we hung out and he told me all about how he likes to watch movies and sport and play golf and crap, in fact he was a toally normal dude just like you and i, that's the problem, he is NOT a normal guy, he is the president of the U.S and pretty much the world, he has major major issues to tackle, but, he'd rather be playing golf...

... while he's playing golf, thousands are slaughtered in the name of his country.

I'm sure a lot of the information G.W gets is just as biased and false as the information we get... and G.W accepts it, blissfully ignorant, as long as his ego continues to be stroked, to him it's business as usual, after all he IS the prez, and he's making the world a more peaceful place..

Ignorance is the problem along with an apathy to the truth, when a fool runs the most powerful country in the world, then you know the world is in trouble.

In ignorance, you dont need to deal with integrity.

Cocaine off Manal's back..

Right now.. i wish i was snorting cocaine off Manal's back.

Well, anyone's back would do really, but it'd have to be a chick.

Manal is a chick.

She's a Palestinian chick, i reckon i'd be pretty happy being a Palestinian chick and not have israeli gunships shoot down the house next door to mine every couple of weeks...

We went and saw Kill Bill with work yesterday and it was pretty good, well, so I thought.
Manal didn't like it, but she's Palestinian, they're all terrorists anyway!

[ posted by Mr.P @ 09:53 ] 0 Comments

This guy is what Stixx will turn out like if he keeps on going the way he's going...

Tho i reckon he'll probably have nicer teeth.

Today I woke up and went off at Stixx for not having a job, like usual.

He fired up and told me that if i want to help him im going about it the wrong way, to which i said, i may be going about it the wrong way but you get the point.

Which is = "GET A FUCKING JOB!!"

"I'm depressed", "I don't know what to do", "You don't understand" he sez.
Since the band started he hasn't put in one fucking cent, not one. It's not on.
I wish i could sit around all day and smoke pot while he worked and paid for the rent.
He has this bullshit delay tactics that he uses as well, first he'll be defensive, then when you disarm that he pretends to listen, then he pulls the "poor me" bullshit, then he says "ok, im going to do it" and then he smokes a cone and goes back to doing nothing...

I'm so sick of people that do nothing & complain about how hard they have it when there's opportunity all around them. I'm not speaking about Stixx specifically, in fact he's better than most but it just shits me..

People that blame something outside of themselves for their own problems.

The world is full of them...

To all the leeches:

Wake up! YOU are responsible for YOU, there's going to come a time where no will bail you out anymore.

Then what are you gonna do?

[ posted by Mr.P @ 09:03 ] 0 Comments

Wednesday, October 22

So tonight im going to the movies to see Kill Bill, everyone's been on about it.. well all the media outlets have been anyway.
I hope it's worth it cuz i gotta stick around for 2 and a half hours after work for it! How crap.

I'm really full right now cuz i had this nice honey chicken and rice but it was just way too much and i had to chuck it out, usually if i eat in the park i'll just throw all the rice out in front of me and then all the pigeons come and eat it, but not today.

Today i threw it in the bin cuz i was inside the office.. poor pigeons.. hehe, this guy on the left looks like grug kinda.

Click on the man with the coffee cup for Oddtodd, which is a bunch of crap that might be funny.

[ posted by Mr.P @ 15:17 ] 0 Comments

Great Update Mate

I got an e-mail from Kylie Lee Murphy just then, it said "Great Update Mate".

Thanks Kylie.

This is Kylie on a good day :

She's Sexy

[ posted by Mr.P @ 10:42 ] 0 Comments

Ok so Austin wants me to write about the band and make this an online story that's interesting.
Well its not gonna happen austin! I'll write what the fuck i want!
But right now i guess i'll talk about the band, we've got the recording coming up sometime soon, it's going to sound good! We've been getting sloppy but, probably from all the fisting, but it could also be all the pot and that we have people over at our house all the time etc.
We're gonna make it so people only come over on mondays and fridays, that leaves us the middle of the week free so that we can practice and stuff.
Stixx has been kicked out of his house for being a bad son and now he's staying at mine but im not going to let him move in unless he gets a job, because living with someone that just smokes bongs and plays video games and shit whilst you work is the worst.
Especially cuz you know that while you're at work, they're living it up at your house, that sux.

[ posted by Mr.P @ 10:39 ] 0 Comments

Less of a man

This is me and Turner at Budge's 21st. How crazy that we're all turning 21. It kinda gets to me sometimes, like Delta Goodrem, she's only 18 and she won like every bloody Aria! Not that i give a fuck about the Arias, but still..
I don't think SSFD is a band that would get on the Arias, i can see us skipping that and heading straight to the MTV music awards. That'd be cool, i can just see it :

**SSFD sit around their table, the award for best rock video is about to be announced, Stixx has passed out, Pablo draws on a napkin, Austin can barely string a sentence together and is on his 2nd warning, Allan was last spotted going into the lavatories with Sarah Michelle Gellar.. **
..

And the award for rock video of the year goes to : ...

..Good Charlotte!

Austin : WHAT THE FUCK?!!!
Pablo : Shit man..
Austin: WHAT THE FUCK!!
Pablo : That sux man..
Austin : YOU'RE GOING DOWN GC! I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO GET THAT AWARD! I KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID!

Usher : Excuse me sir.. we're gonna have to ask you to..
Austin : Leave?! oh i'll leave! i'll leave allright!
I'LL LEAVE A MESS ALL OVER THE PLACE!!

"Hey Delta! Show us yer cancer!" - Austin

Will she die..?

"It pains me to say it (well, not really), but I very much doubt that Ms. Goodrem would have achieved so much acclaim had she not been ill. In fact, the evening (from the 15 minutes I saw) seemed to be playing out as some sort of premature eulogy for the young star. Kudos to her for all her hard work, but really, in the end, she's just another blonde pop singing the same songs we've heard before.

Powderfinger have become something of a mockery, a cruel joke at the expense of their 'Double Allergic' and 'Internationalist' days. Something For Kate have lost the plot and seem capable only of composing soft-rock love ballads. I find it hilarious that Kylie Minogue is still considered Australian, and as for Silverchair, well, the less said about them the better. Then we have this pathetic excuse for entertainment known as 'Australian Idol', with all the hideous trappings packaged in.

The whole thing whiffs of self-congratulation and artistic affrontery. The Australian music scene remains much as it always has - a bland, lifeless, unoriginal imitation of its British and American counterparts.
James Wall "

I agree! Aussie music is a shocker, yesterday's Arias were bland and lifeless, the only performer that rocked was John Farnham and he doesn't count.

Even the Sleepy Jackson proved to be a load of crap.

[ posted by Mr.P @ 09:26 ] 0 Comments

I got this e-mail from Austin today :

When i have time at work to write about stupid bullshit I will get a blog. You know what you right looks like your trying to show off and talk yourself up a bit. It's really arrogant some of the stuff you have in there. and the photos.. way uncool! funny.. but uncool. Like seriously man. if you we're writing important shit than cool.. but it's BULLSHIT! JUST BULLSHIT! It makes you look like less of a man. hahahah! wanker. its no online story man.. speaking of that. let's get another one going. it's time to build the website which is savesomefordaddy.com.. just fill it with hidden shit. at least it's interesting.

cya!

Austin.

This photo makes me look really small!
I think Austin's standing on a step. Stixx has style.

[ posted by Mr.P @ 08:50 ] 0 Comments

Tuesday, October 21

I hate lunch cuz i never know what to get.. its such a hassle!

[ posted by Mr.P @ 13:45 ] 0 Comments

Ok, so today I woke up at 4:30 a.m today and instead of going back to sleep i decided to go with it and stay up. And i think it worked because i'm feeling more awake today than usual so i think i'll keep on doing that...
Yesterday.. wow we ate hash cookies, and we had hash tea and we had heaps of cones as well! My god! it was cool.

We also recorded some guitar on the 4 track and i think that's about it.

This is good i thought..

20.10.03
Weekend.. - Went and saw Less Than Jake, all ages, hung out with 14 year old dudes and smoked a doob with them, I am officially no age from now on, or if anyone asks, I'm 18.
The gig was good , not as good as the Newton one Austin and I saw two years ago with Nancy vandal and Frenzal but I still ripped it up skanking with Hoju #8, and Austin got pretty into it!

Came back home after gig, that sucked.

Then.. the rest of the weekend I took it easy and stayed at home, we had a bit of a prac, recording is coming up.. Kat came over yesterday, which was cool, i reckon she'd be a mad root cuz she's a gymnist!

17.10.03
Well tonight I'm going to go see Less Than Jake!! allright! these guys rock live! They've got so much energy, last time I saw them was with Austin with Nancy vandal and Frenzal and they were awesome, I hope tonight is as good! were going with Hoju #8 and Jeff and ilish and megan.
Um.. what else.. Kylie is annoying at work but its fun. umm I'm gonna go now!

16.10.03
Hey! so today I was late to work because I slept in and I was all fucked out, yesterday was a weird day, like it wasn't really, but I was really not here, (I'm never really "here" I'm always somewhere else, god knows where), but anyway I got home yesterday and there was no one home, which was cool cuz I chilled for a bit, but then Stixx and Eilish came over and I fully got started and told them all about what is going on and i spun them out.
Yeah so anyway, I was late and Danny had a big talk to me, he's such a cool team leader, I've fully got a cool job, I just sit on the net and help ppl and stuff, its just that I want to not work again (ill work for 6 months, get bored of that, not work for 6 months and get bored of that etc.) but ive gotta get over that, because ive realized theres lots of things that I want to do and buy and I'm best off raising the money here than in the future at some shitty job.

13.10.03
I'm on ACW again, I dunno I feel like I should be doing "something" instead of answering customer calls, which is crap, I should really be doing my job properly.. but mah, I enjoy reading stuff too much, and writing stuff, and last Friday I wrote some lyrics which I dig and stuff.. and what am I talking about?.. umm.. Ok so on the weekend.. what did I do? I think Friday I just went home and lay about, we worked on our new song, Rachel came over.. Oh yeah that's right I left work early on Friday to meet up with Stixx cuz I was feeling real light headed, turns out it was a new moon and everyone was a bit out of it, so yeah, anyway we walked around Westfield and I was really feeling "with it" but "not there" at the same time, but it was ok, we checked some chicks out and got a smoothie.. on Saturday we drove out to a doof in a state forest, but instead we got lost and the instructions led us to a gravestone where supposedly Ivan Millats victims were buried or something, (it was the forest where he killed the backpackers) Kansas and I hung out the back of the van around the forst and that was cool, dangerous and cold. Ran into other cars that couldn't find the doof, we found out it was in the city, so we went there, which was fun singing along to reel big fish and stuff, when we got the doof finally the cops shut it down! by this point I was zoned out, so Rachel and I just did our walkaround thing and then we just sat in the van and smoked cones and hoped that everyone would go away so we could smoke more cones. Ahh... went home, smoked cones, lay about, watched "Bowling for Columbine" which was great and then smoked more cones and slept.
Now I am here. At Work. Having Fun.

Pancho Villa..

09.10.03
Soooo, I dunno.. err.. I went home yesterday, (well dah) with Stixx whom I met up with, ran into Shariff and went home, put up the new rules, then kicked Spade out so we could prac (what was spade doing in my house?!!.. Oh yeah he was at greenies and he came over), we came up with a new song which I quite like, its like indian/snot/rage/type o, so yeah, diggit, then Adam and I played capoera which was sick and we're gonna take up and Jeff and Austin played twister, by the end of the night we all felt like going on a trip somewhere, but I have a job and reality sux so we didnt and instead we went to sleep.

Jeff would be having a hard time in Iraq..

[ posted by Mr.P @ 10:03 ] 0 Comments

Just like everyone else, I'm a living contradiction.
I'm a powerful transistor operating life in fiction.
I'm a paradox, and a design impossibility.
I'm a peace & love guerrilla, shining light on sens futility.
I'm a junkie for information and for weed.
Any chance I get to get, I get around and plant a seed.
Of mental freedom, which we so direly need
My desire is a fire against the power of greed.
I'm a reality transistor I'm a shifter of here,
For the truth I'll make conviction and I'll do it without fear because..

We can't be beat; you know you can't be beat.
Any process any sys, faces eventual defeat.

Life is illusion, graphics the best they come.
Bit mapped rendered voxels on a flake of silicone.
Whereas we, are like water and the sun.
We're truth unfound unshaken and we've only just begun.

As an information junkie with a hunger for truth.
I'm a padre for the hungry with a hunger for truth.
I disseminate, assimilate & integrate.
While they dissimulate, exterminate, obliterate.
Our parents our brothers our sisters and more.
The enemy is us when we look down to the floor.

Beaten we are & beaten we're not,
We decide the side we take we decide on what we've got.
When we stand up to our truth and spread the power of the Maya.
The whole will radiate, it's a vibe que no se calla.
Packed in, packed tight, no fright, for that which *might*, as it is not,
lets just get it right, cuz we've already won.
We're only just one and we've already won.
So it don't matter, and in a way it does.
We are here to integrate the final paradox.
As we expand, in our awareness and light.
We open up our intuition as we open up our sight.
To what is real and what has real become?
That's a question you can answer because we've already won!

[ posted by Mr.P @ 09:46 ]

YOU ARE GOD (Edit : PART OF GOD)

Quantum physicists have deduced, through various experiments, that outcome is subject to intent, basically, what you expect is what you get.

This is proof that we create or influence our own reality. Our reality mirrors our expectations and thoughts.

Using this as your base, its simple to see that everything is a construct and we are indeed in a matrix of energy.
The matrix is true.

Everything is energy, this is fact, it just vibrates at different frequencies, some we perceive some we dont, some frequencies we cant see or perceive even though they're all around us.

Like a dog whistle, we can't hear it but its there, recent experiments with water prove that indeed consciousness exists in everything, and everything is aware of everything else, hence everything is interlinked and WHOLE. You are part of this whole.

Do you think your cells argue about whether you exist? No, they just KNOW and they function. We are very much the same thing.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for us to do something against gods wishes.

Because

A) God has no wishes, God just is.
B) God is not some entity, God is the whole.
C) How would it be possible for something to happen against god's wishes? It isn't.

Earth may be a school, that we created, as a test, to see what bias energy would take if left in a neutral playing ground. (positive, negative or balanced).

LIFE IS A FIGHT BETWEEN FEAR AND LOVE.

Most people would say that hate is the opposite to love, but in fact, hate springs from a desire of love. Hence hate is another form of love.

ALL emotions are a form of love.

Imagine love as a pure white light, whilst you are a crystal that receives that white light and transforms it into different colours. (red -angry/sexual) (blue - sad/mellow) etc.

There is no opposite to love, as love is god, and god is all.

FEAR is the denial of love, and as such is an illusion.

FEAR is an ILLUSION. It is not real.

It is only by fearing that we manifest fearful things, the reason the world is so fucked at the moment is that most of us live in fear. Opressors control with fear, it's their favourite tool! (war on terror).

The powers that be are going crazy because they're losing all their power because we are no longer interested in living with fear, we're over it!

So they're doing what they can.. (terror, chemtrails, suppression of information, lies etc.) but it will all backfire (karma, plus people can only be pushed so far).

After hundreds of thousands of years in this "game", the earth at this time, is the culmination of the whole.. imagine a huge complicated maths equation, with no answer yet, the earth is the = sign, and 'we' are the answer.

Some speculate that as a species we are actually evolving into 12 strand crystalline DNA beings, children are being born with a 3rd DNA strand, they are partly psychic, and have a high self esteem. (Indigo children, ADD).

This is supposedly being supressed by governments as well as other secret and powerful institutions because they are scared of what we are becoming. We are becoming powerful and developing many incredible abilities, some people are aware of this, most are not. This is due to ignorance and mental programs or "mind control". (EG : you just rolled your eyes)

People will believe complete lies rather than look at a "conspiracy" because they have been "programmed" to dismiss anything remotely connected to a "conspiracy" without even looking at the facts.

Due to this, those that are most open minded will be the first to become aware of the TRUTH.

We are living the most exciting times in the history of the universe, it is sad that most of us aren't aware of it or don't care. But trust this & please do not buy any fear.

Now, there are PLENTY of conspiracy theories, a lot of them are very true, but they don't matter! Only YOU matter, your personal choices etc!

We have been trained to sacrifice ourselves for others and to not be proud of our skills, this is to keep us from becoming empowered, can you imagine an earth of empowered, free individuals? There would be no need for government.

The truth REALLY IS out there, the net is a wonderful tool, for it lets you travel across peoples minds all over the world without moving off your seat, you can trust websites more than the newspapers, T.V or radio because they have not gone through a million filters to cater to the lowest common denominator.

However, none of it matters, because the game is finished & we've already won.
We've just gotta do it!

We NEED to wake up as a matter of urgency!

Follow your heart, do not create any more fear, trust, be happy and chill.

DO NOT try to be all 'spiritual'! If you're angry and there's cause, then be angry! If you're sad, be sad! Don't be all smiles and positive if you dont feel like it! Bottling up anger is 10 times worse than getting it out. Do not sacrifice yourself for others if you dont want to! This is one of the biggest problems in the world today.

The problem isn't that we're too mean, it's that we're too nice, we let people walk all over us, and then we complain and continue the victim cycle!

The time is now, we are here to create a new world, if we dont fix it within 10 years, then we're stuffed.. but as I said, it's all good.

Remember : We've already won!

Life is a paradox and a contradiction, it lets YOU decide what side you take, I suggest you take neither and enjoy the ride.

The more you claim the God inside you, the more you become as god and the more people can see it in you. This inspires them to become creators with God also.

Life becomes more and more wonderful and full of magic, heaven on earth..

Now realize that YOU also are with god, and special, because you had the guts to come to this physical existence at this time to solve the riddle that has been plaguing the mind of god since creation.

It is time.

[ posted by Mr.P @ 09:38 ]

Monday, October 20

My first official Blogger entry! Hurrah!!!

[ posted by Mr.P @ 16:15 ] 0 Comments

08.10.03
Ok so I'm rushing this because I'm on ACW and ill probly get in trouble if I stay in ACW for too long.
What did I do on the weekend.. well I went to rachels on Friday night, I was gonna call Zakairan but it was a bad time for him, ok so yeah didnt call Zak, but I went to a festival that Rachel organized at Katoomba, "Blue Skies Silver Linings" I think it was called, and it went off SOO smoothly, great timing, everyone was there, I met lots of cool ppl, and tho it wasn't mega exciting, it was just simple and peaceful and there were bands and a ceremony and I played harmonica and stole the harmonica, but i didnt mean to!
So yeah after that, back to rachs and hung out with the Katoomba krew, met a dude called Andrew who is fully on the level, he went travelling for a year around south america without knowing any spanish.
I want to travel, for a year or more, by myself, to learn and disxover and stuff, it'd be awesome, but I'm tied to my band, and its frustrating, I don't know what to do, focus on work, focus on band, travel, go see grandparents.. grrrr, I wish I had more money to do all these things. Its like a ticking time bomb...
So yeah, on sunday we went to a festival in Newcastle, it took us like 7 hours to get there, it was me, Rachel, Maurice (cool dood) and nathan (another cool dood). We drove up a nice scenic way, then when we got there we were a day late, so wed missed almost everything, but it was all good, I got a pill and some gunja and went to panthers (in newcastle!?) and gambled with maurice to kill time, then we upstairs to the dance thing and got in for free, it was allrite, but we were on a mission to find Rachel & Nathan and make a bong, after walking around newcastle for over 3 hours in various bong building missions we ended up at this place with all these rappers "battling" and it was hell cool, then we went to another undergroundy kinda place and it had all mad beats going (nathan played) and we painted on the walls and stuff, I was out of it but! Then we took over a couch and kinda stayed there all nite, like if we owned the place. Rachel made me sleep in the corner cuz she was being a rude bitch, haha, its cool, Rachel and I can fully get the shits at each other and know that it means nothing, like we both fully "get" each other.
Anyway, next day, went fishing in a sink for a grater with maurice and Rachel at some cool house with a raggea band, rach stayed behind and us 3 came back home, I got to Kingswood at 8:30 and everyone was there, they went to Newcastle on Saturday had a shitty time. haha! ah well..
I ended up not going to work yesterday cuz I woke up late and I don't wanna make Danny angry , so stayed at home and didnt do much, but that was good.
Today Austin is being a bitch about the band like usual, it shits me, he wants to be big but he isnt willing to risk it all. Ah well.. we'll see how it all works out.

2.10.03
Haha I just read that about the yoghurt, turns out it wasn't me, but there was a bottle full of milk rotting in my drawers, so that's what smelt bad, I had to clean it up, it sucked. Umm.. shit, yesterday I found a website by a guy who calls himself Purple Crow, and wow, it was full on, it was a nice concise look at what is REALLY going on, and well, its crazy and huge, but ive figured that all I can do at this point in time is rock out with the band. Other than that, not much has been happenning.

30.09.03
Sooo.. what's happenned?! well, I had my 21st on the weekend, and it was actually pretty cool, what we did.. well hang on, first off, on Friday, I .. shit I cant remember what I did on Friday! shocker.. Ok well, on Saturday, I hung out at home and Stixx got me some stuff from ikea, a plastic hanging door and a thingie to put things in, and yer.. so anyway it was windy right, and we couldn't fly the plane, so anyway yeah, after a while we all got together and went to a doof in the city but it was in the bush and it was pretty crappy actually, but it was actually pretty good, so yeah hung out there, and made friends with a dog for a while and then I found everyone and they were all in the van, and so yeah, hung out there, but the thing is there was some heavy telepathy shit going on, especially between Rachel, me, allan, Shariff and Megan I think, and it was a bit spun out, I fully felt very odd, anyway we all went and spooned in some public toilets, and then we met a dude called Phil and we hung out with him in the van, and I tried to make enemies with him but he was too nice, then Den got me another pill, I gave half to Rachel, Stixx was talking to an italian chick, so I made him go back and get her number, while we were up at the doof and I was waiting for him, I noticed a girl looking my way, like, fully looking, and when I saw her, she was the most beautiful girl ever, and then i dont know why but I cracked up laughing and left.
The thing about it, is how it felt, it felt like it was a continuation of my previous Saturday, and I dunno, it felt like she symbolized something.. like she was another piece of the puzzle, but maybe I was just on ecstasy and crazy.. but maybe not, maybe she was my sex goddess and I laughed at her and walked away!! :) But yeah.. she made an impact..
After that, we went to Dennis's and I jumped in his pool and had a sauna and that was cool., but cooler still was standing on his verandah, overlooking the whole city and singing "What I Got" to it, and then shouting "Viva La Revolucion!!", it was one of those movie moments, like in a movie.. and then I stared at the sun, and it was odd, like I could fully lose myself in the sun, and Allan stopped me, like he just knew, he came around the corner and said "behave yourself" and the dissappeared.
Yeah, he knows, he just doesnt know he knows and he doesnt need to know, cuz he knows. Spunout.
Then, I was looking at everyone and I could see purple in them, like it was kinda.. I dunno, there, but flowing, in their hands and Dennisses mouth and stuff, and I fully could see it, this purple tinge!
Yeah.. we've been feeling it.. and thoughts are getting way loud! like somehow everyone is aware of what I'm thinking, even if they don't know it, and its much harder to feign interest. could this be the way its going?..
Maybe it is all just in my head, and my imagination is over active, but it's fun, and its magical and its exciting, so if I am crazy and deluded, well at least I'm having fun and still full of young idealism.
Ok, so after Dennises we went back home, crashed for a bit and then went to my mums for my b'day, and again it was pretty cool, Jeff and all and shaz and Austin and Rach and Megs came, and we had some snacks, and Rachel pushed my face into the cake (smeared it and all). My dad got me a guitar, which is like the first good present he's gotten me, and mym got me a bbq grill and some hobby sticks and assorted items! We all danced mexican with my mum! Jeff loved it, actually, everyone did. It was fun.
Then we went home and got stoned.
The next day, which was yesterday.. I was late to work, the day went quick but, then went home, had a band prac and dat, (we have this gigs inside the practice room, like, we practice gigging not playing.. capiche??) and then used "El residente", watched some Tom Green and empire records, then Eilish wanted to sleep in my bed and she was fully being pushy and I had to be full honest and just say "I'm not comfortable in that scenario" , and she said "thank you" and left, which made me think, shit, honesty is the best policy. So yeah.. now its today and I think I smell like rotten yoghurt..

24.09.03
Well ive still been pretty zoney, but its dropping off a bit, hmm, reality, its an odd concept. Yeah.. yesterday Stixx fucked himself up shooting up speed, which is fucked, but he wrote me a big letter giving me permission to sabotage his attempts to take chems again, so he must have had a breakthrough in sanity, so I'm gonna hold him to that.
Umm. yesterday we had a really good practice, Eilish has been coming over a lot, which is cool, but I gotta let her know that I cant like do anything with her again cuz like, I don't wanna hurt her or anything.
Stixx got all weird yesterday too, he was seeing things out the window and a seahorse and shit, and I tripped out over this badass nike ad with an illuminati symbol on it, and i also got heaps sick for like 5 mins i felt like i was going to die! It lasted like 5 minutes and i ended up on the floor, weird shit!

22.09.03
Hi! Well, I had quite an interesting weekend, on Friday I went home and hung out and Rachel came over with a dude called Maurice, who was such an ass that I liked him (he got popcorn everywhere and was a dick about it... it was cool) and some more dudes came over and I think we just got trashed and passed out, the next day, well we slept a lot and just relaxed and did nuthin, then we went to Earthdance, which was a doof in the middle of nowhere, and it was coool, mad surreal lighting and loud beats, yeah I dug. So we got on e-s and man, shit started spining out, I was in a movie, where everything was a metaphor for something much bigger, and I was being tested and passing, and I met this guy, called Shaun, and I swear he was like a messenger, he just knew exactly where I was at, and I knew he knew, and we didnt even have to say it, so we had a talk, and he mentioned what happenned with zoe and case and that it wasn't cool, but not just that, other stuff too, we didnt event talk much, but he "got it", he "knew" and he was there for me, strange, we blessed each other too, and it was like he blessed me from god. I dunno it was just like a full movie thing, I think I couldve hooked up with a chick called kali but because I became too distracted instead of just being in the moment, well I fucked up and I didnt find her cuz I walked around for hours trying to find chocolate covered nerds. The lesson was I reckon , Pablo, don't become preoccupied with getting it cuz its just gonna waste your time and distract you from the real work, and if you want the chick, go for the chick, not for something else, like chocolate nerds, to get you the chick. Anyway yeah, It was a cool night, I reckon Rachel and I are magic, I swear it, and it freaks me out sometimes. Anyway, we met lots of people, and we were generally a nuisance and scabby, but that was our role, we met some Israeli dudes and i dont think they liked us cuz when we met 'em we ran off with their bong and megan had to come get it off us and stuff, it was good. In the morning we were mega scattered, rach and I stayed behind, and then everyone at the doof held hands and made a big circle, and it was a bit gay, but it was nice too and it felt kinda buzzy, (and this dude called shock stood in the middle and shot everyone in a scene that was right out of a movie, i thought it was hell funny) then we half hitchiked home, then we got busted for not having tix but thanks to god, the doors closed in the train right on time, so transit couldn't take us to the cops.
Hmmm.. now I feel odd, its all good, but I just wanna be "there" in the movie, and I get frustrated that in between the excitement I have to do these other mundane things to keep up my existance.
But I am doing it, even when I'm not, it sux, I know it, but at the same time I don't..
Well yeah, that's about it. I dig, I want my life to be more like a movie, it's fun!

18.09.03
Hi today is today, but yesterday was yesterday and I'm writing about that day, not this one.
So what happened yesterday? The usual, got home, played with the organ (its ace) got trashed, and fell asleep, we moved the house around and its much better now. Today is my mums birthday, I have to go wrap presents and stuff. damn.

17.09.03
Hi, well yesterday, I got home and Stixx was there with Jason as always and I had a go at them, specifically him, for breaking in and being a bum and not having a job and that. He told me he was depressed and couldn't hold a job and that pissed me off even more, I went off at him and I think he got the point, that he can't blame other things outside of himself for his circumstances.
Anyways, after that, Austin came over and we all got Smaaaaaaaaaashed, so bad, and my dad came over and I was wasted and I'm sure he knew.. Oh well!
Yeah I fell asleep on the couch, havent done that for a while, good sleep but.

16.09.03
I was in a pretty bad mood yesterday, but I got home, and instead of cleaning, I just lay on the couch with the lights off and some chill music, and I reikid myself, which I don't do much, cuz I'm still not too confident I suppose, but I had a really nice sleep/haze and yeah I felt much better afterwards, then the lads and eilish came round.
Anyways, we had a killer jam, Stixx was rapping sik and I was rokin hard, it was more like a gig, our pracs are like mad killer gigs, with big finales and all, we're quite good at the show thing. Now we need people to watch.
I really spin out about where the music comes from, and after, I feel different, its like when we're really jamming, that's all there is, and when we're finished.. you get this post musical orgasmic buzz which is fine too.
Austin helped me fix my bed, its better now, I like it when Austin gets practical, he likes to build things and do things, like a man. I don't have that really, well I do, but in a different sense, not the Austin nuts and screws way.
Ok well yeah, that's a bout it.

15.09.03
On Friday I went out with Austin and Richard and Clay to Eating World in China town, from there we headed to a number of pubs and proceeded to get pissed, really pissed, I dunno what happenned much, but it was fun, the next day we went to an auction to watch the Kograh studio get auctioned, then Austin and I went shoppin around Newtown for aaagees, I ened up buying a clock so id get to work on time, a red junior wrestler shirt, pants that are too tight, adbusters, a weed growers guide and I think that's it..Newtown is cool, lots of things to look at and do, but Rachel tells me that is use to have much more of a community flavour, where you could just walk down the street and hang with people, whereas now everyone is busy looking cool.
Right, so we went home and I made some mp3 cds at Austins, then we got smashed and went to Hojus. then from Hojus we went back home, and everyone showed up and eylish slept over and then the next day we had a video day and that was cool. Especially cuz Rachel was there and when we get together we get really stupid.
I saw a mad synthesizer in Newtown and I'm going to buy it!