Fuck everything.
This job sucks so much, ive been feeling so shit for so long, im fully not happy it sucks. But then i go home and im happy again and then i think im being a dick for being depressed now. It's weird..
Anyways, i'll write the news and then i'll get on with the bitch..
* Stixx is out of the band. We think it's for good. Basically, as soon as he tried to make off with his full cd without making the miniscule payment of $20, we all realized that he could not be trusted, he lost our respect, and due to that we decided we couldnt be in a band with someone we can't trust and respect.
Stixx man, you got given chance after chance after cahnce, and at the end of the day, we didn't even fire you, you said "Fuck the band, i quit the fucking band." Sorry dude. We accept your resignation.
We'll see whether we are as you said "nothing without you".
What a FUCK UP! Huh?! It's one dilemma after the other with us, but hopefully this will make things easier.
We're going to have to go back and re-do all the vocals and shit, which is a bit of a nightmare in itself, but we'll get it sorted eventually. Might as well go through the shit now than later.
Sooo... that's all fucked, we gotta get the music tracks, figure out new vocals, and then re-record them. Then we gotta figure out how to perform it.
Apart from the band, there is also the fact that I CUT MY HAIR!!!.
Wow! I still can't believe it and i'm having a lot of trouble dealing with it. Basically the plaits/dredds/hair nuggets, got so bad that they were never coming undone, so we had to cut em, Shariff made me do it, you can read his report on 'All my friends are crap".
So, im thinking, since Stixx is out, and i cut my hair, i might as well quit my job and go the whole trifecta. Supposedly the trifecta has big wins, but it's a big risk. See, i need money, i gotta pay shitty rent, and food, and transport, but on top of that i need an amp, a guitar, a car, and money for printing pressing of the cd (plus more money now to fix the vocals) so it really sucks.
Yesterday i was in a megashit mood, and i am today too, my company is EVIL. There are soo many people resigning at the moment here, they've all had enough. There's just a really shit vibe now, and when im here, i cant think straight, my eyes are watery and all life feels hopeless.
Ive been feeling as i said, heaps shit lately, kinda uncreative, uninspired, not cool, umm depressed, overwhelmed, hopeless. I just want to quit everything sometimes, quit my job, my house my friends. But i know that's not the way to go, escaping doesn't do shit.
I just need to get a grip on my life again.
I found a killer site to help do this, it's called "Build Freedom" and it's loaded with brilliant articles. This site is HUGE. It depresses me that i dont have a computer and i cant read it all. But i will print some shit out.
I need to be more of a freedom fighter, liquid chalk is a great tool, it fucks with nothing but minds, but i need to do more than that. My problem is that, i want people to go "What is this about?" and get into this shit, but i know that they need to want it, and if they want it, it doesnt matter what i tell em, because they would go seek it out anyway, so like, making people aware is a waste of time because those that want to be aware will become so anywa? or do we need to shake shit up so people see there is alternatives? It must be both. Anyway, i cant speak, im hardcore in a mental prison at the moment that i need to break out of. I need to be straight up about shit more. Like Jason, he came over and he's like "is it allright that im over" (Cuz he'd shot up in my bathroom a few months back) and i was like "yeah whatever", and then the cunt starts coming over 24/7! so i had to tell him to nicely fuck off. He can get his own fucking house. Sheesh.
No one reads my blog anymore, that's good, i suppose, cuz i can be more personal, but shit cuz i have nothing to check up on. As if anyone cares about my life other than me anyway? If this was a funny blog it would be a different story.. well it is kinda funny.. sometimes. is it?
So yeah, what else? umm im fucking hating my job, AAAGGH. See i dont know that if i live i'll be able to do the things i want to do, but i know staying here is fucking me up, some people can handle 9 to 5 and some cant, i cant, i fully cant. Well actually, i can, if there's freedom, but i have no freedom anymore. Constant phone calls mean i dont have time to surf the net or do things and shit. It heaps sucks. And customers are the dumbest of cunts. The whole bloody planet is stupid. And there are a few who arent so dumb and they're laughing so hard at all our faces.
Yesterday on the newspaper, no joke, this was the headline "Secret Societies Spread Chaos" and then the article was about the train drivers. That headline was a trigger. I use to think triggers were bullshit till i started seeing them.
There was 3 i could recognize in yesterdays newspaper. Janet Jacksons top coming off was a trigger. It was a set up and approvad by those high up, just like the madonna/britney kiss. It is gradual and will continue and this world is going to go NUTS. It's true. I hope its not, but i see it all the time. then again, i am looking for it. But nah, its too blatant. Morals are getting turned upside down, people are standing up for what they dont believe in because they dont understand. It's shit.
Aaanyway, im running out of time, this is my lunch break and i need to pay the rent and electricity and call around and get a bunch of meaningless life shit sorted.
OUT.