All My Friends Are Crap

My Friends Are Crap, Just Like Me.

Friday, January 30

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...

That's the silliest you've done since I've known you.

I got a call from Jeff at 7 this morning:
"Hey Richards, do you know where I can get an oil cap from?"
"Yeah from a spare parts shop. What the fuck happened to your one?"
(I didn't get what he said - the reception was shit)
"Go down to Supercheap on Macquarie st in Windsor, or Holden"

Then, I got a message from Jeff at about 2:00 this arvo:
'Will not having an oil cap really fuck a car up? I borrowed Matt's without telling him'

Jeff doesn't get back till Tuesday, so Matt would have been driving around without an oil cap till Jeff got back - and it would have fucked his motor. So I called Jeff and told him he'd better let Matt know he didn't have an oil cap.

Shit Jeff.

Pablo, tie all your shit together and carry it around with you on your belt. At least then you won't lose it. How the fuck did you lose your guitar?

Richards


I Found Out Where The Chicks Come From



Unorganised Motherfuckers


I think every motherfucker i have to deal with is unorganised.
I think everyone but richards is unorganised.
All the cunts i have to call at work are unorganised and can't pay bills.
The fucking management i have are unorganised cunts
Pablo is unorganised. It takes him too long to visit a servo.
The guitar is gone.. FAG!

THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD IS UNORGANISED!

Austin.

WHERE'S MY RED GUITAR?!!!!

Thursday, January 29

JUST A QUICK NOTE

Has anyone noticed that everytime Deltra 'Pity me I'm cancerous' Goodrem has a photo in the paper she's looking straight at the camera with a smile on her face... todays front page of the 'Daily Telegraph' for example... Mark 'The Scud' Philliwhateverhisnameis is looking quite disgruntled (i believe he lost some ball game of sorts) but his newly found sex toy Delta, is looking quite smiley and straight at the camera... poser? trying to look like the friendly smiley happy celeb? i think so... just a thought



"Do not confuse your perception as reality and do not mistake the desires of your ego as validated rightousness."

"All that was required of them was a primitive patriotism which could be appealed to whenever it was necessary to make them accept longer working hours or shorter rations." -1984, George Orwell.


"Each life should have a purpose before its meaning can be clear"

SORRY ABOUT THE STICKER JEFF, WE'LL TAKE IT OFF TONIGHT AND MAKE IT GOOD, WHY DON'T YOU PUT IT IN EILISHES CAR? IM SURE YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT VACATION. CAN I BUY YOUR DADS VAN, THE

LEGENDARY

PORNWAGON ?.

AH YET ANOTHER LONG WEEKEND FOR JEFF

I could get used to these 3 and 4 day weeks... tomorrow i will be road-tripping to coffs where i will enjoy a weekend of sand, sun and sex... ah holidays...
no matter what you say Austin, i need this fucking holiday... and no Austin there is no wedding or honeymoon... i aint getting hitched ever... well at least for a very long time... next holiday WILL be overseas... but it will be me... possibly a friend but i aint paying for anyone else's ticket...
Mr P i will be seeing you tonight to discuss the Shitty Sticker issue... and tell allan he'll have his ten bucks too...
Richards... seeing as i am away for a while get that 10 straight off Sharif he said he'd get it to me this pay so you have all rights to break his cock and deny him access to shushi untill he forks up...
stixx!! long time no see... hows the schnozz going? are you beautiful yet?
Eilish... you'd better clean cozi wont be home untill tuesday and thats alot of bacterial build up... Your true love (Austin) wont come over to see you untill its tidy... anyways cardmembers call and work is waiting....

i'll see you cuts later

Wednesday, January 28



Attracting Dust Means Age. That Is So Sad.


Richards. I'm sorry I couldn't take you to Jeff's... I had to meet the Coles Chick. She's cool. I listened to Blink 182's record with her. Guess What... IT'S GOOD! It's not like blink. It's like a rock record. I don't understand. I might buy it.

Jeff.. WHEN IS THE WEDDING? THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. NOW THAT YOU'VE LEFT NOTHING SPECIAL FOR THE HONEYMOON OR YOU HAVE TO TAKE HER OVERSEAS NEXT TO IMPRESS HER YOU'VE BLOWN IT FOR YOURSELF. YOU'RE NEXT STANDARD HAS ELEVATED TO A POINT THAT I DON'T THINK YOU CAN REACH. YOU BLEW IT FOR YOURSELF. LIKE TELLING A CHICK YOU LOVE HER 3 WEEKS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP. DON'T GIVE IT ALL AWAY JEFF. SHE'LL SUCK EVERYTHING OUT OF YOU. Oh and if you think I'm jealous.. No.. Not me. I'm just disappointed.

Stickers.. The are FUCKING QUALITY! I have one on my car.. It's black. Not like Jeff's.. FAG!

Shaz.. Keep slamming man! It will fall off soon.. Then you'll be back. We'll still love you man.

Austin.

Trains, Pains and Skateboards

I woke up this morning feeling like I'd smoked a stick to myself last night. But I didn't smoke at all last night. I had really fucked up dreams and it was as if my brain had drained all my physical enenergy to power them. Work was work. Busy as usual. A guy who used to work for us when I first started came in today to help us out. Fuck he's a cocky cunt: "I'm the best. Ask anyone, they'll tell you."

So, my boss has got me going to a sales seminar tomorrow after work. Good shit. I don't mind going to those things. It gets me motivated when I talk to customers.

I went downstairs to the carpark at work today to get my bag out of my car. It's starting to attract dust. It's so sad. It made me sad.

Jeff...

Your issues have been addressed, and posted:
1. I'll take that discman next time I see you. You can have it back when I get my license and car back. Thanks man. I'll give you your skateboard back too. I don't need it - my boss is picking me up from Seven Hills every morning and dropping me off there most arvos.

2. SSFD is shit, so of course their stickers look shit.

3. We haven't heard from Captain Smack because he's probably fucking 24/7, and good on him. When Captain Smack gives you that ten bucks, you can give it straight to me.

4. Maybe Austin is Jealous. You have a Commodore. I think Austin would love to go on a road trip in something rear wheel drive with power now that me and my car are out of action.

5. Why are you cleaning the kitchen? I told you to get the whip out Jeff. I didn't say 'get the whip out and give it to Eilish'

Hilltop quote of the week:

What the fuck? I got home, thought I'd post a Hilltop quote, look at the blog and every other motherfucker has posted quotes.

"Face value's got us believing everything we see, so if our eyes tell us lies, the truth is we're blind."

Austin,What's this plan you've got for the weekend? I'm up for pissing up on Friday night. I'm also with you on the 'no pills for two weeks' stance. Give me a ring at work tomorrow. About 2:30 is a good time. The boss is usually up at Westfield getting lunch, and I've usually just finished lunch and smoked my stress away.

Richards

IT SEEMS THERE ARE ISSUES NEEDING ADDRESSING

*ahem*

1. Richards i have a disman you can have free of charge... contact me and we'll do a deal.

2. Pablo that fucking pink sticker looks shit!!! i'm buying a new one a ripping that one off... i'm sorry but thats just false representation of the band and business that is SSFD... its bandmembers like you and your dodgy business practices that hold the rest of the band back...

3. Shazwozzle! Capt'n Smack! Where art thou!!! You are one pussy whipped sushi loving mo-fo if you ever read this GET YOUR COCK OUT OF CHRISTIE AND AT LEAST LET US KNOW YOUR STILL ALIVE AND KICKING... THAT AND YOU OWE ME 10 BUCKS!!!

4. AUTIN, AUSTIN, AUSTIN... What is your obsession with my holiday get over it already... you seem to care more than i do... are you jealous i'm not taking you? is that it? i'm sorry austin... i'll take you when i go to mt druitt next... hows tha for a holiday... get to mingle with the natives and everything!! YAY!!!

5. My kitchen is a mess... the lounge room is A-OK i cleaned that up but i'm not doing the kitchen... no sir E bob... well my mind is running slow... and my house is getting smelly...... so yeah..



Your quote was shit Austin!

Here's one on the meaning of life :

"M-hmm. Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which, it seems, is the only way, these days, to get the jaded, video-sated public off their arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment? Bollocks. What they want is filth: people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats. Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are. Here's the theme music. Goodnight. "

- from 'The meaning of Life"..



Calendar Quotes


Pablo, Jeff and I share the same calendar quotes.
Sometimes they are excellent and sometimes they are shit.

I want to get the following quote put in a calendar..

The next time I pick up a chick I'm going to take her to the Caribbean. However, The Caribbean will be a kiddy pool set up on some sand near the palm trees
in my back yard" - Dr. Steve "Lovemachine" Austin


Thank you for your time.

Austin.


Robert Trujillo - Metallica or Infectious Grooves?


Clearly Infectious Grooves. Maybe its because he plays more. Maybe its because the other 3 guys in Metallica are fags.
But I guess in comparison judging by the lyrical content and photos of Infectious Grooves members they we're probably just as big a bunch of fags.
Though I do imagine that the arrogance level would be a little smaller..

So Richards finally stacked the board. Wonderful. I saw him yesterday with band-aids on and I had to ask. Apparently he was going down a hill like his previous post explains. I guess there was no need to mention it at all.

I hope Stixx is all good. I haven't really spoken to him lately. The reasons for this are 1. I want his nose to heal without me interpreting it.. He's got a band to sing for. And 2. I don't want to get upset over stupid bullshit. I'd write what I wanted to but I think it's a bit personal. I think anyone involved will know.

I just had to deal with angry costumers. 5 of them. It's fucking terrible.. Working on the phones is fucking shit! I hate it sometimes. The guy was a fucking bastard! Fucking New Zealand cunts. They are worse than the bastards that hang out in McDonald's carparks.

THIS JUST IN: Enrique Iglesias is coming to Australia. BLOW THE B52'S MOTHERFUCKERS. ENRIQUE IS COMING! AND I AM SO THERE!

Incubus is coming as well. And apparently Kiss is trying to make some more cash. I was reading SLM magazine. It's informed me of all the goss.

I'm going to wollongong by myself this weekend I think. I might just take a sleeping bag and get all hermit and stuff and spend time by myself. Either that or I'm going to Good Vibrations. If it wasn't going to cost me $200 for the day I'd be going for sure. But entry and drugs and stuff.. I don't know. The Asian Dub Foundation will be there. I might have to go!

Ahh love. Isn't it great Jeff. And Pablo. It can be shown in many ways.. A holiday.. A blow job.. Flowers.. Teddy Bears.. But it can be taken away quicker than newspaper burns when placed near an open flame. In conclusion. DON'T TAKE YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND ON HOLIDAYS. And what the fuck has happened to Sharrif? It seems like he's turned into the Sushi King and is fishing way too often for his own good. Its about FUCKING TIME Capitan Smack. I'm more proud of you than I am of anyone else. Jeff.. He's a tosser who took his ideas from romance novels and movies and Pablo.. Well we all know what he's like.. Fuck and Run. Kind of like baseball..

Good Day Kids.

Austin.

Tuesday, January 27

Some people love trucks...

But I fuckin don't! Today was my 'official first day back after holidays'. And to celebrate, what does the boss do? He books in two trucks for exhaust jobs. I spent seven hours today under an ice truck and a cement mixer. People who run trucks always leave repairs to the last minute - and in this case, the last minute is when the exhaust is about to fall off. For the exhaust to get to this state, it has to rust. And the resulting rust is all over my clothes and all through my hair. You can't put a truck on a hoist, so both jobs were done on the floor. Welding while you're laying on the floor is not the safest way of doing things. I got sparks in my ear thrice. It's the worst feeling. You can hear the inside of your ear sizzling.

I had a chick ring up wanting a 2.5 inch exhaust on her 1.3l Charade. My answer: "You don't want a 2.5 inch exhaust. That'll make your car slower. We can do a 2" exhaust from the cat back which will give your car better performance and fuel economy for $280".
A 2.5" inch exhaust would have been $350. As you can see, I'm not in this job to be a salesman.
I had another dude call up wanting a mandrel bent exhaust, but he didn't know what mandrel bends were. Too many people reading Hot 4s and Big Wankers.

We watched the Nine Inch Nails DVD and got smashed at Pablo and Al's last night. Fuckin quality is all I can say. After the DVD, I went home and went to sleep listening to NIN. Dead Souls (it's off the Crow soundtrack Austin. Download that song man) came on and I was happy. I probably slept with a smile on my face all night.

Woke up at 5:30 this morning, went through the motions and caught the train. This morning, I was smart - I flogged my sister's discman. Listened to Hilltop, Dandy Warhols and Filter on the train. It's my comedown cd.

Got to Hornsby, walked halfway to work, smoking a cigga. Got to a downhill slope and thought 'Alright, no effort required here' and got onto Jeff's skateboard. Slowly, it started gaining speed. It didn't hit me till I was doing about 30kph that I hadn't thought about stopping. The end of the street is an avenue with cars parked everywhere. Then, the board got the death wobbles. So I thought 'shit, now is the time to bail' and bail I did. Left foot hit the ground and it seemed quite natural that this movement would see me sliding flat on my face for a metre. I hit the ground with my palms, scraped my right elbow and the left side of my hip and I was back up - right next to the board which was still moving down the hill at a fair pace. Needless to say, I picked the board up and walked the rest of the way to work. So, I still don't know how to stop from speed, but I managed to pass the stacking course without fucking myself up too badly.

I called the dude who smashed into my car this arvo. The call went like this:
"Hey, it's Sean from the acco"
(Some sort of groan)
"What are you doing about fixing my car?"
"Shit............. I can't afford it,.....I really can't afford it"
"Well something's got to be done man. I can't afford it either. I didn't fucking smash it, you did. I don't care if you pay it off over time, but it has to be paid for"
"I suppose I might be able to do $50 a week. I can't talk right now."
"Have a think about it. I'll get back to you next week"
"Alright"
I was hoping for at least $100 a week, but $50 is better than nothing. It just means it'll take him 5 months to pay it back. That can go straight into my loan if I get it.

And finally, my last complaint for the day: Why the fuck is television so shit at the moment? It's really fuckin bad. I can't even find anything bearable to watch.

Desite my shit day, I'm in a pretty good mood at the moment.

Richards

HERE I IS, BORED AS FUCK

You know when you have one of those days where nothing seems to matter and you cant be bothered doing shit? Its called motivational lacking, and i am suffering from it right now... i was just in ACW for 15 mins coz i didnt realise, why didnt i realise coz i didnt care... work sux today... i just want the week to finish so i can have a 5 day weekend... then i can just pospone getting back on track and motivated... all the customers are boring me, they suck, its busy, cardmembers are stupid... FUCK THEM ALL!!!

I am not in a good mood... and i'm broke... fucking broke!!!

Fuck

Monday, January 26


My Fantastic Weekend


Well. There isn't allot to write. I think I've told the story to everyone.
However, I went to the b Big day out with Jeff and Shazoo and The Dennii and Tanya.
The day started with terrible bands, a joint and a few too many alcoholic beverages.

I stumbled around for a bit and found comfort in the boiler room. Dancing and dancing and dancing.
Then I check out some bands. Most of which were shitty but ok. Then I saw 1200 techniques who were fucking incredible. Then I think I lost everyone for a while.

All I really do remember was going to Aphex Twin looking for drugs. I bumped into Dennis who told me to have half a pill
and I did. Then I met this guy who sold me 1/2 a trip that his girlfriend wasn't going to take.

Aphex Twin + Ecstasy + Acid = Mayhem.

The lasers were fantastic. The music was awesome.. When he had finished I was almost jelly. I then made my way to the main stage to walk in on Metallica playing Master Of Puppets and then they played some more stuff while I sat on the hill by myself and then Rob played a solo which led into For Whom The Bell Tolls or whatever its called..


I walked around like Mr. Burns on a Friday night and found Shazoo and Jeff.. I was fucked from 9:30 till I got Strathfeild. Anything that happened from 9:00 onwards is all a bit blurry..

But I had a great time.

And I'm glad Pablo wasn't with me to spoil my fun.


- Austin.



Fuck Australia Day, It's Nine Inch Nails Day

Alright, so not having a license has finally sunk in. It's shit. Three months without doing the thing I like doing the most. The only thing that will keep me going is doing this engine conversion.

Aphex Twin's new cd '26 Mixes for Cash' is fuckin quality. The NIN remix on the first cd is the shit. Not as much drums as the other Ahex cds.

And to Eilish: That's the last time I do a deal with you. You suck! Clean the fucking bin!

Richards

Happy Australia Day Fags.

I hope you enjoy not working, they're playing George Michael on the stereo, and i didnt get any breakfast because all the shops are closed so im having a glass of work milk and a snickers instead.

Meeeeep.

Sunday, January 25

Strange Happenings

After I posted last night, there was nothing left of the blog - apart from the scrollbar. I didn't touch, nor even look at the template, but somehow 90% of it got erased. Is someone getting in my computer and fucking with shit? Maybe. So I just spent an hour looking for that new skin Pabs got, then I had to transfer the code from the old template to this one. Somehow, even after copying that Haloscan shit, I still can't get the comment function to work. Shit!

Richards