The Monkey's Cheese!

Thursday, March 25

This entry is the same as part of 'All my friends are crap' it saves time this way..

I bought a kimono yesterday! we all did (ben, rachel & i) to treck through the desert with! rach & i also wrote a busking song, it goes like this..

"I hate my life and i want to die but im too scared to kill myself so im stuck here in limbo with you, why oh why did it have to be you, why oh why did it have to be you, i wish i had the guts to kill you too..

Chorus = Gimme all your money cuz i might just snap, gimme all your money cuz im going insane, gimme all your money cuz i might just snap and kill you all. And tell me what's going to stop me from bludgeoning you to death with this guitar right now? It's gonna take the cops at least 5 minutes to get here and thats plenty of time for me to find, your wallet, your i.d, credit cards and pictures of your children.

I hate my life and i want to die, and mark my words if i kill myself im gonna take out a whole buch of you motherfuckers with me, cuz im not going out just like that, im gonna make a statement and i dont care what it states.

*Chorus*

And if you dont think im scary, just listen to this riff it goes.. *scary riff*

So dont fuck with me, just give me your money, dont fuck with me, gimme all your money.

*Chorus*

Optimus prime was the head of transformer squad, but i killed him."

It hasnt made us any money yet.

The Melbourne Couch Review Guide..

Couch 1 : This is the couch we're staying at, it divides into 5 different segments and is not too comfortable to sit on. The environment however more than makes up for it, there is a large bookshelf directly next to it with a number of interesting books, by authors such as 'Aldous Huxley' & 'George Orwell' as well as many on herbal remedies.
There is a small coffee table where we sit our tea/coffee on, and it has a few candles on it etc. The house is small and the atmosphere is comfortable. Unfortunately we can't smoke inside. Which means no bongs on the couch. (3/5 stars)

Couch 2 (Ali's Couch) : Ali is a dude i met in Byron and he's very cool and friendly. His couch is large and comfortable, it is kind of like the couch inside the bottle of 'I dream of Jeanie'. It is in an L shape, with a coffee table in the middle, on which sits a large home made bong (great smoke) and there is usually a bowl too. The atmosphere is welcoming, and Ali lives with a very hot girl called 'Al' who often wears very short skirts. He also lives with a guy called 'Grant' who's a cool canadian guy that makes jewellry. Al is extremely friendly and a great perve, and they also have a beautiful 3 month old pup called 'Ali-Coco', she is fun to watch. She can sit & hi-5. (4/5 stars)

Couch 3 (Smackies Couch) : This is the couch of a smackies house i got stoned at, the smackie was very courteous and offered me some water as well as a cheap phone and a Harley. His name is Jay and he lives with a guy called Adam, who he treats like shit, but it was funny to watch because Adam was a bit of a dork and let himself get trated like shit. It wasn't actually a couch, it was a bed. I got some cones and the cat (they have a cat) had a fine fur coat that was fun to pat. (2/5 stars)

Couch 4 (Nathans Couch) : I actually passed out on this couch cuz i was sick, it was outside and i was given a large blanket to cover myself in. Nathan is one of Jets friend and he thinks it's great fun to cum in a girls mouth and have her kiss another guy and watch the other guy swallow it. He made us some stir fry and it was ok except i couldn't chew on it so i had to throw it into my throat and try to swallow. I got some red wine also. The wine was good and for that i'll give the couch an extra star. (3/5 stars)

Couch 5 (Anthony's Couch) : This one was actually in Canberra, but i thought i'd throw it in. Anthony is a political intellectualist and because of this his couch was littered with 'Nietzche' & 'Marx/Lenin' style books as well as a lot of surrealism. The atmosphere was calm but stubborn. There was nice hommus dip but we provded that. I guess the best bit about this couch were the zines scattered throughout, on how to steal food, make bombs, travel cheap, home abortions and all sorts of fucked up shit. I also got a big bed to sleep on and you can't go wrong with that! (3.5/5 stars)

Rachel is currently working on a party review guide and this will be up on her blog soon, these are great in providing free: food, beer (imported & coopers), banana hash cake, joints, rides etc..

[ posted by Mr.P @ 14:46 ]

Tuesday, March 23

Melbourne is shit.

Not really, actually Melbourne is pretty cool. We're staying in Fitzroy, it's like a big Newtown except with trams everywhere (there's trams EVERYWHERE! It's great!) and a few junkies. Shops stay open late and on Saturday nights and there's a bit of a scene with bands playing and shit (Baggsmen are playing next Friday and im goin to watch em!). The people seem pretty cool. Heaps of nice bread shops (marzipan!!) and heaps of juice bars too.. Actually it's like Byron/Newtown but without the backpackers or the beach dudes. We've just been hanging out and sneaking into parties and that, yesterday Jet and Ben went to a hip hop night and i went and got stoned and watched 'Half Baked' and it was cool but i wish i'd gone to see the hip hop. 3 days ago we snuck into Monney's 21st (we dont know Monney) and drunk her beer, there was 'Sublime' playing too which was cool, and after we got trashed we went to watch a sick ska band that had a bit of latin in it and stuff. We also got into a club for free because Ben made friends with Joy who is organizing a party there this week (and we're supposed to make some mannequins for it somehow) which meant free bourbons and coke. But i was fucked from hash cake that i'd eaten at another party we'd snuck into (which had this 2 guys playing the shittiest music ever and pretending it was 'art', they were probably from uni) so i kept on falling asleep and almost got kicked out. So Jet and I went back home and Jet had forgotten her keys so we had to break in through the fly screen and when Pixie the owner gets back she's probably going to hate us forever.

Oh, another thing, on my plane flight here, i found a book called "Killing Pablo" at one of the internet terminals i used, then when i got in i ran into 'Ali' from Byron which was a total spin out. I told him i found the book and he told me he's just watched "Killing Zoe" which was funny.

Centrelink are running 2 investigations on me. That's fucked..

Oh and i met a guy who reckons alien hybrids are chasing him and that he's got fibreoptics in his brains so they can see what he sees and that i am now being tracked by talking to him (cuz they can hear what he says through implants in his teeth), oh and his mum was a clone and one time he got abducted and they gave him drugs to get a boner and have sex with a goddess angel... He was funny.