The Monkey's Cheese!

Wednesday, April 7

Not without my beanie.

Hey Guys!! How is shit?! I hope well. This is what I have been up to, it's cool..

Umm, well first of all, before i left Melborne i jumped through a window, that was hell funny and i have it on tape, see, i was trying to prove that everything was just energy and that glass was really liquid and i could fly though it if i believed hard enough, so i put on a kimono and wings, and smashed right through it and proved my theory wrong.. it was funny. And the guy next door to us got stabbed! He was a junkie but a really cool one, and he was ok but it was full on, he got stabbed outside out door, however as crazy as that sounds there was actually a really nice community there, i also got given a sleeping bag by a chick called Dominica who is famous in Sweden.. i think it's Sweden.. or Denmark.. i dunno, one of those countries.. for designing a flying tractor. So that was cool. And there was heaps of gigs we went to including a sick ska-latino band and shit. There's a KILLER scene in Melbourne, it's great, i think it's because there's no pokies at all! None. Also there's a place where you get huge pizzas for $3 a pop, and they're gourmet, and also a place where you get beer at 10 cents a pot after 9 p.m and then it goes up by a cent every minute. How cool is that?! Yeah, i give the big thums up to Melbourne.

Now onto Adelaide..

First we went to a place called Brinkworth (about 400 k's from Adelaide) to stay with Rachels parents for a week, and it was a spin out, there's a population of like 60 there, so it's like nowheresville & Rachel's parents are whack, actually they're really cool people, especially her dad who's in another world, he's like this funny crazy einstein guy and he's always humming to himself and their house is actually an old bank and it has a vault and stuff. They have heaps of books and stuff and it's pretty full on. I saw pictures of Rachel in high school as well! That was weird, i always thought that she'd just spawned out of a beanie sometime ago.

We went to her Grandparents house as well, who live in an even more remote location and they're even more spun out! Her grandfather was this mad navy seal dude who killed heaps of cunts and he got letters from the king and shit, and her grandmother is this cool old lady who has spent the last 40 years (40 years!!) writing a book about bible prophecy and it's full on. She gave me a copy on cd, and it like analyzes every word and compares it to history and science and stuff, whack, at the end she reckons the aliens get involved but i haven't read it yet so i'm not sure what happens.

Ok, so that was a spin... Saltlakes! That was a spin too.. basically, imagine going through the middle of Australia there's all bush and scrub everywhere and all of a sudden there's an ocean in the middle of it all and it's frozen. Completely frozen but it totally looks like the ocean, with waves and all, frozen. It's all just salt. It was fucking crazy, i didn't believe it was frozen until i went and walked on it. Being the dickhead that i am, i didn't take my camera but man, i just walked around licking the floor and stuff, we scratched our names into the salt and i reckon they'll be there for a thousand years. It is literally like being in another planet. And it's heaps beautiful too. See that pic with the dude walking on it!?

We went to a country fair, which heaps shit and average and like an Aussie country fair, it was lame, and we bought heaps of Sherry that night and went into the middle of these wheat fields and had a big dirt fight and got trashed and that was pretty cool but we almost killed each other by the end of it. See Rachel and I are idiots who dont take anything seriously, but Ben our other travelling buddy, who is very cool and funny and charming to everyone (To every second stranger he's like "Hey! How are you?! Having a good day?! Yeah, that's what i like to see") takes himself heaps seriously at times, and because we don't, it cause conflict at times. So sometimes we get into these big fights but it's funny. Except when i got a shitload of dirt in my eye, that wasn't funny.

Now I'm back in Adelaide, what is sick about here is that there are these free buses that have tv's inside them with docos on the aussie outback and the bus drivers are heaps cool, yesterday we got this one who started singing 'Old Mcdonald' and eventually had half the bus singing it. The buses come every ten minutes as well. Sydney has got really shit public transport compared with everywhere else.

We've been living the povo lifestyle cuz we're all out of money, we've been hanging out at all these places that you can get free food and it's actually really good, and everyone's pretty cool, except we don't look povo and homeless like everyone else so sometimes it's a bit weird. We cooked burritos for homeless people last week to get a feed which was fun.

Last night, this Aboriginal dude was singing us a song on the guitar and we were heaps into it, and his tribe or whatever was calling him and he wasnt paying attention cuz he was so into his song.. well his wife came up with a bag full of meat pies and smashed him in the head with them! and the she smacked him with some goon and got it all over us and then she goes 'You got any shit to say about it say it to my face! Come on! Which one of ya is gonna fucken step up', i was trying heaps hard to not giggle cuz i knew she'd kill me. They ended up leaving and it was heaps sad to watch such a beautiful thing get destroyed..

Yesterday we went to the art gallery, which is fucking amazing, you're not meant to take your camera in there and tape shit, but i did, so you guys can see some of it when i get back (like this huge fluro green rhinousaur that sticks out of the wall) we also went to the museum, and today we went to the botanical gardens and they're heaps wild.

I gotta go now cuz this backpacker dude wants to use the net, but first i gotta mention the place i stayed at last night, it's called Detox, and they only let you in if you're drunk or smashed! Which seems a bit backward to me, but anyway, we weren't drunk or smasehd but we needed a place to stay so we got kinda drunk and acted smashed, i told them that i'd found some pills in the park and i kept on passing out and staring into the distance so they'd let me in, they even breathalyzed me! But it was SOOO worth it! We got this whole house to ourselves, no one was checking on us and we got free smokes, food, washing, showers, lighters, food, books, games, tv, more food, everything, wow it was so awesome, we're gonna get smashed and drunk tonight so they'll let us in again.

Ok my time is up i gotta go, going to Coober Peddy tomorrow (where everything is underground) and then to Alice Springs! Woo!