Saturday, July 9  

Hi guys, this is a long post, and its about time i posted it. It could be that you should maybe try to print and read, it also has an interview with god. ok, this is the full story, its long and daunting and worth it.

Here we go..
---------------------------------

Ok..

So i went to this place called San Jose, its a pueblo on the peak of some mountains, the clouds touch the town and its like a point where the sky meets the earth, its about 3000 metres above sea level and thepueblo is all based around shrooms.

But these aren't just any shrooms, they're sacred schrooms, and to take them you rent your personal cabin on the edge of the mountain, by yourself, basically looking into infinity.. you talk to a shaman for a while before taking them, he tells you how to go and then you take them.

I dont know what happened, i took the shrooms at 6, within an hour i started feeling like id taken some ecstasy, but then that passed, and everything started breathing and moving, and it was like.. you know the windows media screen saver thing where everything turns into little symmetrical squares that fluctuate? It was like that.. and then the clouds started to get rainbows around them, and i started laughing, because i couldnt believe how cliched my hallucinations were, but then, the clouds turned into the face of GOD! and they said "hello" and then they explained to me that they were the schrooms talking to me, and i could talk back to them, and that the town is run by the schrooms, that they decide who comes and goes and who takes them and that id been invited. So i start laughing, out of JOY! and im like, "are you god?" and they say "we are a part of god, we represent god, as in everything, yes" and im like ok.. but then i look down at this bit of wood and there's GOD TOO! and then all these crazy gods, like brahman, and siddharta, and jesus, and Kali, and quetalcoatl and basically every god from every culture just appear and
they start dancing, and the thing turns into this whole musical, but its the music of life.. and then i see all this sacred geometry everywhere! and by this point im talking to god hardcore but not even with words, its just this direct flux of information, and then i realize that was just an introduction, and im there to learn something, so i look up to the clouds and say "what" and he says "you know" and i sit there, and im scared of looking at him head on, but everytime i look away he appears in front of me, so i laugh, about how feeble it is to try and avoid gods gaze yeah? and so i laugh and he says, 'laugh! it helps you get over your fear!' and im like, ok gimme some time, i laugh and laugh, till i settle down and look up and man, its hard to look at the cunt in the eye, but he thinks its cute, and i know it, and that makes me laugh more, and he, is the mountain, and the wood and everything, but you can try to look away until you get the guts to look at him face on, and its scary, cuz it means facing yourself and everything head on. So i look at him, and man, its like getting blasted by a solar flare, and i hold the stare, and laugh, and smile like a giddy child who cant believe whats going on, and so we face off for a while, and man, he's like, compassionate and all knowing, but also with lots of authority, and i say, ok so im here because ive got this problem, i dont know what it is, but its inside me and im carrying it and it makes me feel sad and heavy and scared and im not comfortable, please help. And then i just sit there for a while, and i say, dude im cold can we continue this in the cabin (because i was out in the mountains at the time) and so i get up and i get LOST! totally lost, and im not just lost in reality but also in my trip, and all i can see is fractals, and universes and all sorts of divine shapes, and BOB! and George bush! (i think i remember being told that bob and bush are the same man, and that they are just there to prove how ridiculous it all is, and especially that we believe it and take it so seriously) anyway im SOO lost in the woods, im scared to walk even one step.. But everytime im about to give up, god says, just do something, and ill take care of the rest, so i just go for it, and i follow a light and somehow i end up where i was meant to be! i walk on up the mountain till i find a guy who says "are you ok do you need my help" and im like "i need to find my cabin" so he walks me to it but the walk is like a snails shell, as in its just this perfect circles getting smaller each time.. till i get to my room and then i sit down and (ive been lost for like 2 hours here) im like FUCK! and im sill feeling sick as all hell and then i BURP! and it was like i burped so much smog and pollution, i could feel it, taste it, in fact my clothes smelt like they'd been inside an exhaust pipe just from that burp which was massive, and i realized that there it was, id trusted and found my way home, and thats all i ever wanted, to go home, but home is always there its just that you need to know and trust that or you wont realize it. So then i need to piss yeah, and all this time im still seeing crazy mathematics, the big bang, the history of the world, my birth, the people in my bloodline, etc. Im scared to go out and piss and so i get on my knees and piss into the bin in the cabin, and the bin is a yin yang! and my piss is the
universe being pissed away into the toilet bowl of life, or a black hole! And then i say "there it is" and i realize id just burped and pissed all this shit id been carrying with me for 3 years which i couldnt get rid of, and then i get told that i was carrying other people shit too and that i was transmuting it because they couldnt, and that id done a great job! and im soo happy! and im like YES!! but then the whole thing starts again, i get lost, but this time im lost in my thoughts, and i dont know why, and I see symbols everywhere! the pyramid with the eye, the virgin mary, the crucifixion etc.





Everything is a symbol representing the truth, and you can look at it however you want, in order for the universe to work, i.e keep moving and evolve, it needs a motivating and demotivating factor, these are the unknown and the forgotten, which are the same thing! So we are looking for something we dont know which we use to know but we've forgotten and that keeps things moving! and it applies to everything. And jesus is just an archetype, i,e a symbol that represents GIVING UP! Jesus ultimately GAVE UP! He suffered heaps but he took action,
and he gave up, and like with picking up chicks, its when you give up that you win. THAT IS SLACK! But first you need to try, but you give up the outcome because thats up to god, i.e the whole.

PHEW! OK.. so im still there, lost in my thoughts (literally lost. like you'd get lost in a maze), having this communication, and then i do the full loop of evolution, from an atom through to a god and back to me again, all in.. maybe an hour, maybe a millisecond, and then god reveals to me the answer! And i beg that he lets me remember, and he says, no, youll only remember your reaction. And what was my reaction (this i remember clearly).

Laughter.

And then i said "i gotta give it to you man, im impressed, thats a great answer".

But i dont remember the answer!!!!!

But i do remember splitting into two, and seeing myself and then becoming infinite etc. CRAZY. Oh yeah, and then after i got the answer, god goes, so whats do you need? And im like, well ive already gotten rid of my shit, but i still need something, and im thinking, and every time i get close these drums start playing and the room lights up, and every time im getting away from the answer the room darkens and the drums stop (this was NOT a hallucination, there was a group of indians outside playing drums and chanting, and the lights were being lit by them, but god was showing me how he could run everything so that the drums went along with what i was thinking, while the other dudes knew nothing about it, and i laughed, and i took a drink from a vial that had been given to me by a Reiki master earlier in my trip, as a celebration and a quenching of thirst to what I had learnt. When I slammed the small glass vial down onto the table EVERYTHING stopped. Then the drums started playing lightly again, and i said, wow thats a trip, and he's like, but what do you need? and im thinking and going crazy, and i know that by "you" he means humanity, and after a while i get up and i say "I NEED WATER!" and when i sa that it echoes into infinity and i hear it, and god smiles, and the band outside goes CRAZY! and he's like, good answer, but do you really need water? and then i realize that i dont at all, and then im cold, and im like, im cold, and he says, are you really? and then im hot, and then i realize, i dont need water, i only need god, and he will take care of my thirst or get rid of it or whatever.. At this point i scribble on my notepad this:

" Im trashed..

The issues are:

GOD IS EVERYWHERE

i'd like to add
he's funny.

Where's my wallet?? "

And so it all starts up again, from chaos, to infinity to the tao and the yin and the yang etc etc, and then i remember that im forgetting something, ive lost something important, what is it? MY wallet!!! oh shit, what was that, i lost something, ive done this, oh no, what did i lose?? MY WALLET!! shit where's my wallet, oh no i lost my wallet in the woods, im fucked, i have no money to get back etc etc and i hear "remember" and then i do! and i laugh! and i go, well god's here, he knows i lost my wallet, we'll see what happens, i guess this will mean an adventure. And i laugh! and i get into my bed and curl up, and im the yin and the yang, or the feetus in the womb, then i become one, and my thirst is gone, and i feel great, and i trust! And i feel so happy, and i say out loud "I beat life, the end guy is hard" and laugh some more, so, then at this point the schrooms WHAM stop working, and im back in reality, i reach over to my clock on the side of the bed, and what do i find.. MY WALLET! And i get a flash of the whole universe, massive as it is, curling up into one point, and that point, is the centre of the sun on my wallet (a byron bay one with a pinkish sun). And i smile! I look at the time and its 12:25.

TRIP.

Oh, and in the morning, i went to the place id gotten lost, and i found 5 butterfly wings. I took 4 and threw one into the wind. They are beautiful.

also.. water is a metaphor for god, here in the real world. Me saying "i need water" was me saying "i need god", because god IS water! but water is a physical part of god whereas god is the big tamale. But water is the closest physical metaphor we have of god in relation to us.

PART TWO

Everything i am going to write here is 100% true.

There's a saying that goes: "Its not real if it doesnt make you laugh,
but you dont understand it until it makes you cry".

OK.. Let me re-cap you on some events :

I was lost in Huatulco.

I took Shrooms in San Jose.

The Universe, turned into my wallet, which I had lost and I only found
it when I gave up looking for it.

I could control the drums that the others were playing with my mind.

Water was the symbol for life and god.

God and I had a chat. --

Ok, that's what happenned the first night on the schrooms, now it gets crazy.

I was lost in Huatulco, id just written you an e-mail (haha, even the most remote community without water seems to have a internet terminal, its crazy).

Huatulco is a really snobby up itself town, its like the sort of place some rich boring old people go to because there's no hippes and the views are nice. I ended up there because from San Jose.. ok
you gotta pay attention because there's loads of factors and symbols to this story. Here we go..

When i first took the schrooms i met a guy from texas and a girl from new york, they were travelling together and passiong san jose, id only just taken the schrooms and they hadnt fucked me yet. While i was waiting for them to hit me, i sat by the mountain and met these dudes,
we started talking, they said they were going to the beach, i said i
might go too, and then i asked if they had some weed. The texas guy
said he didnt but he'd get some for me. They left me there by the
mountain, and when they got back i was tripping hardcore and looking
into the mountain and talking to it and shit, and i was like,
overwhelmed and laughing and crying, but i had to pretend to be half
straight when they got back. I thought they'd stick around, but the
dude just gave me two fat joints, a lighter, and dissappeared. I
started smoking the joint and i asked god, hey is this wrong? for me
to smoke a j here while we're talking, and the answer was that no,
nothing is wrong, and the j wouldnt do shit anyway, it was just there
to ground me and give me something to do so i wouldnt get too crazy.

Ok, but i only smoked one of the two joints.

Then everything that i already told you happenned. Moving onto the
next day in San Jose..

Id made plans to catch a bus to the beach with the texas dude and new
york girl, they said we'd see each other on the street, its a small
town so i didnt doubt it. But I waited for 2 hours and they didnt show
up, so i got the shits, and still had in my head that i'd talked to
god and everything would be sweet. So i almost got the shits cuz they
left me, but instead i just got up and walked.

Walking is stupid, the next town is like 15 hours walking away, but I
started to walk anyway. So this car passes and stops next to me, and
its got 3 dudes in it, and they ask if ive got some weed, and i say, i
only have a joint, you'll have to smoke it with me, and they say,
where are you going, and im like, the coas, so they say, get in we'll
give you a ride! And im like phew, lucky, and i saved 70 pesos. (there
is no luck as such, but to be on the right trip allows good things to
come your way, or so i figure)

So we start talking and the driver was just giving them a ride too,
they'd passed by San Jose, the other two, Joaquin and Melissa, were artisans,
they make jewelry and sell it during holliday season at the beach.
I tell em that i was stuck in San Jose
but just started walking, and the guy says, yeah that happens to me,
when i get stuck, if i sit there and wait, nothing happens, but as
soon as i start walking, shit works out.

So they were going to Huatulco, they said it was better than Puerto
Angel, where I was headed, so I decided to join them to Huatulco. In
the night we set up stalls, i helped sell some bracelets, and played
the drums. They had 10 pesos when we got there but within two hours
theyd made like 300. They shouted me a burger, which i really needed.

We slept on some hammocks that night for free, the owner of the
hammock place let us because it was his last day in business, which
sucked because it left us with nowhere to sleep after that night, but
i had to keep moving anyway, so the next day, i left that crew, and
went to the internet cafe, wrote an e-mail, then went into town to
figure out where I was and where to go.

I ended up walking to a bay, called La Crusezita, a really pretty and
warm bay. The beaches are awesome, they shit on Australian beaches,
they're warm, really warm, and blue, and the waves come up to you like
a friendly dog, lapping at your feet, not like the evil, cold, asshole
waves in Australia.

From the bay, I decided to go to Zipolite, a nudist beach about 3
hours away, where I heard I could get a cheap hammock to sleep on. So
I went to the bus terminal, I had to catch a bus and two wagons. The
wagons are like utes, and you sit on the back with the wind rushing
past you and shit, its awesome, you feel like youre on african safari,
and theyre cheap man! They take you really far really cheap. Ok so im
on the wagon on my way to Zipolite, and then it suddenly stops, I was
the only one on. The driver says, you have to get out, there's another
wagon coming for you. And im like, ok....

So the next wagon comes and i get on it, and there's two dudes
finishing off a spliff. I say, shit, im too late, and they're like, no
man, we'll make some more. So we smoke and talk and it turns out they
work in a skate shop, they play in a band (Digna Altanera), they
smoke, they're going to Zipolite AND they come from San Jose, which
was the reason for their journey in the first place.

We got to the beach, got a room, hung out, smoked some weed etc. I had
bought some mushrooms in a jar full of honey to take for me and for
Lobo, a mexican writer that im living with, and the two dudes, Torta
and Flavian, also had some shrooms, so we decided to drop some.

The schrooms were sour, but covered in Honey.

We walked to the beach, all in our own world, looking at the water and
the shells and shite, and blah blah blah. We went to a restaurant at
the very end of the beach (its a LONG beach) and we got some beers. I
got my wallet out to pay, then my feet got really really itchy. I had
to get up and run to the water and soak my feet to make it stop. Then
I went to a shop in town to get some munchies, and when I got to the
shop I couldnt pay because id left my wallet at the restaurant, Id
lost my wallet! And then the schrooms hit me.

This is my brain..

"Oh my god. I just lost the universe (my wallet), because i wasnt
focused, or paying attention, i was so lost in my own thoughts that I
lost my wallet, shit shit shit, pablo, you knew this would happen, you
got the warnings, FUCK! my wallet! and these damn schrooms, shit, i
better go back to look for it!

I walk back to the restaurant by the beach, im hearing echoes and
spirit voices and everything is mocking me, for losing my wallet, the
universe, by being absent minded.

I get to the restaurant, i ask the table guy that serves stuff to your
tables.. the waiter! If he'd seen it and he said no. I was fucked out
, i walked off and finally, in a fit of frustration, i sat down,
pissed off, and just gave up, and had a big sigh and wallowed in mi
misery.

This dude comes up and sits next to me, there's no one else in the
whole beach and its dark. He's about twentysomething, and he says "hi,
are you ok?" and im like "no, i lost my wallet" and he's like "dont
worry, it will be ok huh?" and im like "yeah, i SUPPOSE", and then
he's like "you were in San Jose" and im like "yeah how do u know" and
he's like "I saw you", "oh, i didnt see you", he says "did you hear
the drums?" and my head fucking EXPLODES! remember, the drums are a
symbol, I could control them that night, they were representing how
much god can really pull strings to make shit work out for you. (what
he was saying by asking "do you remember the drums" was, "do you
remember that you can control reality with the help of god and he's
always with you?".

So im like "Whoa, yeah" but i go back to worrying about my wallet. And then
im like "so whats your name?" and he says "jesus ".

JUST LIKE THAT! Fucking calm as, like it doesnt mean anything, but im
thinking in my head "of course your name is Jesus". And so we try and
talk, but i just cant string a sentence together, im not there, im too
worried about my wallet. So i say, "look Jesus, id love to do this but
im not ready, and im too worried about my wallet i need to go look for
it in my room" and he says "yeah, go for it, good luck" but with that
fucking "I know something you dont" tone.

So i walk off, and to my hammock-room, which is on the other side of
the beach, and the more I walk, the more i realize that dude really
was Jesus, not JESUS JESUS, but a representative, a symbol, archetype,
whatever.

Then I walk through a long strip without hotels and its dark man! im
hearing echoes, im feeling sick with worry, the waves are talking to
me and calling me closer, and im like, fuck, im lost. I cant remember
where my hotel is, I cant see shit, fuck fuck fuck. And then i think,
"i shouldve stayed with jesus", and then i hear "without jesus im
lost". and then i think, fuck that, thats fucked, but i walk on, im
still all worried about my wallet, the universe.

I finally get to my hotel, I go up and the door is locked so I have to
go around through another room to get to the verandah and lie in my
hammock till the two dudes get back and open the room. I Lay in my
hammock, and wrap myself up in a cocoon. I feel so alone, like im in
space, or in the universe, by myself, and my only comfort is my
hammock cocoon. I start fuming, i get so angry at myself, for losing
my wallet, how could i have been so stupid. The Japanese surfer next
door, in a very comical fashion, like an old friend thats trying to
cheer you up, sticks his head out and offers me some joint, he's
Japanese so he's really cute, and im like, no, i cant right now.

I lay there and think, and realize what's just happenned.

The whole thing was a test, I lost my wallet, the universe because I
was too caught up in myself. Then when i went back for it, it was
gone. When I gave up to the frustration, Jesus showed up to help me.
But I was so caught up in myself, that I couldnt talk to him, and I
lost him too, and when I lost him, I walked alone and lost myself in
the darkness.

I started fuming, I was literally burning up inside and out, my breath
was hot man, i felt like a dragon. I couldnt believe how stupid I was,
to make the same mistake twice, with my wallet and withJesus, and to
walk off and just be so blatantly HUMAN! Instead of relaxing and
chatting withJesus and letting it all work itself out, like I had
learnt it would, the previous night in San Jose. and I started
crying..

I cried because Id failed, and I didnt know when a test like that
would come up again, and that I could have fixed the problem by
letting go of it and talking to Jesus, or the Japanese guy, who now
also represented jesus (Because Jesus is any old schmoe!!), but
couldnt because I just would NOT LET GO OF MY FEARS.

So then a tear goes down my cheek, and God says. "And there's yuor answer!"

AND I GET IT!! THAT THE HUMAN CONDITION IS TO FAIL! WE ARE SO CAUGHT
UP IN OUR SHIT THAT WE CANT SEE JESUS/GOD/BOB WHATEVER, WHEN IT COMES
TO HELP US, AND WE GO ON WITH OUR PROBLEMS, BUT HE (GOD/JESUS) ALREADY
EXPECTS THAT! KNOWS THAT! AND HE HAS SET IT UP SO THAT WE REALIZE THAT
WITHOUT HIM WE CANT DO SHIT. BUT WE NEED TO MEAN IT.. AND CRY.

BECAUSE ITS ONLY REAL IF IT MAKES YOU LAUGH, BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT TILL IT MAKES YOU CRY.

I cried, and I understood.

It was all worth it, losing my wallet was a small price to pay, and
the universe cant get lost, because i dont have it, god has it, and
he'll take care of it as always.

So i started laughing.

And as soon as I started laughing, the dudes got home, and opened the
door for me, of course my wallet wasnt in the room.

But I felt good, because I knew, Jesus would be waiting for me, and he
wouldnt be mad, he wouldnt be anything, he'd just be there.

I felt much better, I said i'd go back to the restaurant to have another look.

All the way back, the darkness made me laugh, the waves were cheering
me on, the spirits were no longer talking, they just stood back and
beheld my stylish happy walk through the beach.

There, on the beach, sitting ever so casually, looking into infinity,
is Jesus, like i knew he'd be.

I realize that im very thirsty, and I think, I bet Jesus has water
(WATER - SYMBOLISM), and of course, next to him a bottle of water.

I look at him all sheepish like, and say smiling, "hey i lost my
wallet!" and he's like, "you did man".
And im like, i think im going to look here on the beach. He says, sure.

Of course i knew i wouldnt find it, but it was a nervous moment, its
not every day you got Jesus sitting there waiting for you to talk to
him.

I went to the restaurant and asked once more, and then waiter, the
suss cunt, says, no i havent found it, all guilty like, I KNOW he
stole it. But i just smile at him, like he's done me the biggest
favour in the world, and i sort of laugh and say, ok man, no problem!

I go and sit with Jesus, we dont say much, im really worried about
what to say, and everytime i worry it makes it worse, I dont know how
to relax, and then i hear "look at the light" and straight in front of
us, is a light of a boat or something, so i focus on that and it makes
it allright.

* <-- light _____ <--- shore J - P <-- Jebus and Pabs And then I feel my connection to Jesus, and I realize, he's just an average dude, so average its crazy, i mean, average to the point where we'd think he was dumb even, but he's GOT IT, he's with it, he's got a pact with god, he don't need to know nothing deep. everytime i start talking about weird shit, i start losing him, i realize that when i talk about weird shit im on my own trip and not really communicating but finding ways to hear myself through others, which is what we all do a lot really. So I talk about weed, and he tells me that he's bought some to sell to San Cristobal, and we laugh, and then my head says "reference point!", remember? Weed is a good topic we can all reference to and communicate if only partly. So we laugh, and i realize that of all reference points, Laughter is the most abundant, and important and easy to reference to. So Laughter is like a common bond or something? im not too sure. We run out of thins to say, and we sit there, on the beach by ourselves, looking into the light, as if we're both in awe of it. and I realize that Jesus is in awe of god, he's not arrogant, he doesn't see himself as god. He sees himself, he knows himself as part of god and that gives him awe. Then the cross comes into my head and i get it. The cross is a Symbol of evolution and Focus. Let me explain : The Cross is like a Crosshair. I.E Focus. But the horizontal line, is higher than the middle. I.E Effort, Evolution, Consciousness. So the cross is dominant because it speaks to peoples subconscious, and its a map for life. The map is- Look up, and Focus. So i try to talk to Jesus some more, but I cant fucking Focus man. Its like that boxing game where you get knocked out and you need to get the screens to match. It was EXACTLY like that. And i find that the only times i can focus, is when I focus, and give up trying to focus. So i center, and then let it go. but its fucking hard. After a while I asked Jesus for money, and he gave me 20 pesos. I talked to Jesus, and he gave me 20 pesos. I left him there, He said we might see each other down the line, i shook his hand, said thanks and walked in a giddy happiness back to my hotel. Where I had a chat with Flavian, one of the skate shop owning, joint smoking, hotel buddies. He was so Humble, He didnt try to guess what I was going to say, which is what I do because ive got this know it all attitude about me, which isnt bad really, but it annoys me sometimes. He says, "I think there's a universal culture, and universal facts, and that these mushrooms help you see that about yourself, and i think that you should write about it and tell other people!" And im like FUCK! cuz i was just thinking whether I would write to someone about this, but he sort of confirmed it. I went to sleep happy that night. The whole experience, like the shrooms, was sour, but covered in honey. :)
CHAPTER 3.

Next day I got given a hundred pesos by Flavian, so i could catch a
bus back to Oaxaca city where most of my money is. We made a deal to
meet in Oaxaca on Sunday so I could pay him back. The bus trip sucked,
when in Mexico they say a bus trip last 6 hours, they mean 9 hours, if
they say 9 hours, they mean 14. The road was all curvy and hilly and i
felt sick as shit but made it. That night I went to a party. After
meeting a dude called Abel that is, and this bits kinda sad. I was
walking around the Oaxaca hangouts looking for some crew that I knew
to hang with but no one was there, this guy came up to me, he was like
a Raj cross Jene, and he asked if I knew where i could get a joint, i
said no but we could look together. we ended up going to the 'casa
rasta' which is the house im staying at, and there we met Lobo and
Pena, we smoked some weed and then we went to a party. Abel was pretty
happy, and he shouted me tacos and red wine.

I got drunk, got home, passed out.

Next Day. Sunday.

Experience number three.

I had schrooms left. Lobos share and some were mine. We took them in
the morning. I asked the schrooms to go easy on me this time. Lobo
went crazy, he was just on another trip. Basically you know that
really warm yummy feeling when you wake up and its sunny and you know
youve slept well? Its like that but much more.

So I get on the couch, curl up in my sleeping bag, and half awake half
dreaming, i start interviewing god.

He says, you can do this anytime, you always were, but you dont notice
because you think your problems are important. So im like, yeah dude,
ok some questions.

BEGINNING OF INTERVIEW WITH GOD

P- Why do children get raped and burnt? why do horrible things happen.
G- Because they can.

Get that?! thats the fucking answer, and its almost too simple, but
what he's saying, is, if it can happen, it will happen. Think about
that shit. Realize how helpless anyone is, if you can, you will, and
thats it for everything. If nothing horrible happenned then the
universe would not be a natural chaos. It would be ordered and then
there'd be no point, or fun.

P- There was one time when I fucked out and reality got all weird and
shit while I was at home with my friends, what was that about?
(Remember that time, it was on the couch of OUR house, i started
screaming saying reality had inverted or something, Austin said he saw
a light fly into my head, i think Rachel was there)
G - You were burning up too quickly, you were into your conspiracies
too much, you were glowing and it was too early, we send a dispatch to
take up you energy, A LOT, of your energy, so you would not burn out,
you can pick that energy back up as you go down the line.

Ok.. next question

P- Why have I been depressed and nervous and shit so much?
G- Because you dont love yourself enough, and if you dont love
yourself you cant love anything. Also, because you worry about your
thoughts, you think they can harm you, and that you can control them,
and both those things are impossible, and hence, you're using up a lot
of energy. Thats why you're so tired, you think too much.

P- Ok so i shouldnt think.
G- Thinking is what god does.

P- What does that mean?
G- Humans are created in the image of god because they can think,
which allows them to choose their own experience, life is a choose
your own adventure book, as opposed to a normal book. For it to be
choose your own adventure, you need to be able to think. The
difference, the only difference, between the grass and a human, is
that the grass IS and FEELS. The Human, IS, THINKS, and FEELS.

P- Please go on.
G- A blade of grass does not worry about where its going to get water
from next, it allows for all things, and it get the water eventually,
and if it doesnt, too bad. Its part of the whole and can never be
lost. Just like you. But as long as you THINK you're lost and try to
THINK of a way out, you'll continue on THINKING you're lost. Humans
are fun because they can consciously evolve, they can skip ahead or go
backwards, as opposed to the steady evolutionary process of plants,
most animals, and matter. Its more fun that way dont you think?

P- shit yeah
G- But you're part of the same system as the plants, so the same rules
apply, want it or not there's still a steady evolution always, but
this is more of a mass human evoltion, than an individual case. The
individual can skip ahead at any time, the mass continues steadily and
gradually. The blade of grass is always looked after by god, because
its a part of god. Like the human.

P- And how do the schrooms work?
G- The schrooms are a concentration of earth energy.

(i cant think of an example at the moment, but u know like some food
where there's a bit thats concentrated and extra tasty - Pablo)

G- They carry the memory of the earth, and they possess you. Thats why
when you take them everything is so fresh and new, because the
schrroms, the earth, is inside you for that time, seeing life through
human eyes, and of course, its fascinated.

P- Ahhhh
G- And its really obvious, and people should eat some occassionally
for cleansing and grounding, they grow where the sky meets the earth,
there is no coincidence to this, and shamans have always known it.
Divine information is easier to access when you are possessed by the
earth.

P- But i can still think.
G- Exactly, the earth possess you but not completely, you still have a
degree of control and thats your THINKING faculty, which is really
beautiful after all. Thinking allows for greater AWE. The greater the
AWE, the greater the JOY, the greater the SLACk.

P- Hmmm, and why do i forget so easily.
G- This information comes when your brain is in sleep state, its hard
to recollect, we dont want to give the game away do we?

P- But can i remember?
G- If you want.

(I just want to clear up the conversation wasnt exactly like this, it
was more telepathic and without so much coloquialism, but you get the
point)

At this point I asked Lobo for his laptop and feverishly begun to
write everything i'd just heard. But then came the most important of
all questions..

P- But, how does all this help me get laid?
G- When you know the truth, you dont worry about getting laid because
you already have everything, and then, you'll get laid.

P- awesome, thanks god.
G- anymore questions?
P- not really, i cant think of any, and of those that i can i already
know all the answers.
G- thats right

P- cathcya
G- im always here, you are never alone.

P- Oh, one more thing, what am i supposed to do?
G- You just do what you think is right, and let me take care of the rest.

End of interview with God.

OK, the story goes on.

I wrote out some shit on the laptop, ill send it to you later,
everytime i tried to focus is when i started losing it, so i realize,
first you focus, then you let go. Geddit? Its like how couples work
and become sour, they first focus on hooking up, then they let go and
enjoy it, but after a while they focus on NOT LETTING GO, and thats
when they both get resentful, because they have to make an effort, and
making an effort sucks.

I went into Penas room to look at the mirror, and there I find a pair
of glasses. they get my attention because theyre EXACTLY the same pair
of glasses that I want. So i put them on to see how they look, and
they're perfect, they work perfectly! They were made for me, they fix
my eyesight and everything, i can see better! I think, "these glasses
are mine". I leave them on, then Pena gets home and im like, hey man,
i found these glasses, and he's like, they dont work for me anymore,
you can keep them. SCORE! I got my perfect pair of glasses, for free,
and i think they are a metaphor, they represent my ability to SEE
better. Geddit? like god sent them as a gift because i could see more
clearly no, so of course, as above so below, and what happenned in
spirit lala land, becomes reality in shitty old earth.

Im hungry, I get some bread, I have a Jar of Cajeta with me, and i
start the slow process of pouring Cajeta out of the jar onto the
bread. Cajeta is thich and slow. I wait, and totally savour the
moment, it just feels good to enjoy the fact that you're going to get
Cajeta, and that you're focused on that. And then, as the Cajeta
pours. I feel it. I literally feel what the Cajeta feels, I feel what
its like to fall onto the bread, and curl and spread and then how it
feels to break off from the mass inside the jar and turn into little
strings and dangle.. and i just go "Wowwwwww". And Lobo looks at me
and smiles, and he goes, "There's your Bob, there's the answer to the
universe right there, everything you've been looking for, and
delievered in Cajeta form. It doesnt get more perfect does it?"

Id only mentioned bob to him once, and ive just realized that it is
all ONE, and when i focus i can feel what everything else feels.

Ok So Im on it, i have my cool new glasses (photo pending), ive become
one with the Cajeta and im feeling whack! Pena invites Lobo and I to
an orchestra in town, and we decide to risk it. I feel so fucking
weird man. Its like im the only person in the play and everyone else
is just an extra. But its so hard to focus, and i have to keep on
reminding myself to focus on being, not on focusing and shit will be
fine. It was hard, i needed to piss and throw up, but i kept being
told "focus on the moment and that feeling will take care of itself".

The orchestra wasnt great, we stayed for some songs then we went to an
art exhibition. The artist was a guy called Dr.Lakra, his art is crazy!
BUT! the craziest shit was the art was so Symbolic, it was all.. you know the book of the
subgenius, how its all 50's drawings and shit? It was like that, but
with THAT EYE and CROSSEs and shite. It was ll saying "I am here
always, I always see you, its all a big joke, your life is a dream",
and the actual art said on it "life is a dream of an illusion" "life
is a joke!" as if the exhibition was confirming everything i'd just
experienced. I think the most philosophical piece was one that said
"Its not about how much you piss, its about how much foam you make".

You would have loved it, there was pictures of 50's chicks with cocks
with wings flying around them and cumming on them, there was baby
dolls with tattoos everywhere, and six rooms full of rubbish that had
all been painted pink and green.
By the end I didnt need to spew or piss, and thats when i found a toilet.

We left the expo and went to the centre of town where they were
setting up fireworks, we stuck around, I was pretty excited.

Before the fireworks there was a procession of a giant cross, with
jesus on it (of course), and a bunch of old people singing while they
walked him around a few blocks. When they got back the fireworks
started. First these crazy guys get a wooden bull, load him up with
firworks, stick him on their head, turn it on, and run around shooting
fireworks out of the bull on their head at everyone, tourists run away
screaming, its fucking loud, scary, exciting and wild. I was on the
floor laughing, when not shielding myself from the oncoming
explosions.

After they do that three or four times, they light up the real thing,
which is like this huge tower made out of wood, covered in fireworks,
and its got wheels sticking it of it that spin and shit and shoot shit
everywhere. They are the best fireworks i have ever seen in my life.
As each part lights up, it paints a picture, the first pictures are
circles and shit, then its a cup, that turns into a dove that turns
into a flower. Then up the top is Jesus on the cross and the
motherfucker burns up to a cacophony of whistles and screams, its so
fucking bright i dont think ive ever seen anything brighter, when they
fireworks start up its total chaos. ITs like watching the big bang. I
simply can not explain how wicked this light show was. But yeah.
there's fucking Jesus burning up on the cross. and then up the top it
says " JESUS CHRIST ROCKS" or something along those lines, i cant
remember, and it was in spanish anyway. then BANG! The whole thing
shoots up 200 metres into the air end EXPLODES! BOOM! Fireworks, oohs
and aahs, then a band starts playing and everyone cheers. Then the
church (it was the churches anniversary we were celebrating) lights up
too, and fireworks, more like sparks that fall, cover the churchs and
everyone goes home or stays to dance. It was cool.

Then the two skater dudes walk up and say "hi! and i go SHIT! I forgot
i had to meet you at 9 to give you your money! and theyre like, its
not nine yet, we were on our way to see you, but here we are. And i
realize that everything is perfect. And taken care of. the world is in
a state of perfection always. And its not even real! Its a really
short dream. I

Dont know how much im going to be able to integrate this information
into a practical sense. and dontworry, im not becoming some chrisitan
zaelot fundamentalist.

I think Jesus is just a bit player, he's just a symbol for what is
real. Like an easy to reach reference to help us out. Also, when i was
talking to Jesus on the beach, for some reason, i felt like i was more
interesting, like god loves jesus cuz jesus loves god, but he loves us
because we're so cute and weird and innocent. and we think we're wrong
when we're right and its funny. I.E we came here to forget, and now
we're trying to remember what we forgot, but we came here to forget,
and thats what there is to remember, and its funny.

Oh, i think i also got told that im given this information because its
my job to write it down and get it out there, other peoples job it to
live the information, others is to not be aware of it at all etc etc.
Its a perfect chaos and we all play our part.

I think also, i got told that i was prone to egotism, distraction and
debauchery, and thats why im small and dont get too many chicks,
because if i was big i would be egotistical, and if i could get any
chick i would become distracted from my real purpose, and because i
really wanted to do this and get it right, i had to put all these
'buffers' in my life to stop me from becoming too distracted.

However my proneness for these things also keeps me very human and
helps me understand the world around me.

I gave the dudes their money, we went back to the house and had some
joints, then i went to bed. The time was 12:21.

I am Pablo and this is my story.












P.S - I have to mention again, that Jesus was a real dude, on the
beach, i didnt make him up. But what is most important is that
everyone is Jesus, the more average, humble and simple, the more Jesus
they represent. Cajeta is Jesus, the Grass is Jesus. Jesus is a
physical connection to God Mind, which we can connect to directly
anyway, but the point is not to connect directly to god, thats like
going back to the womb, its like saying the universe is too hard. The
game is to find god in everything. and everything that allows us to
find god in it, is Jesus. And since everything is god, everything is
Jesus, i.e, everything physical is a stepping stone towards god.

ahh, i needed to get that out. :)

a couple of things to make clear:

The two joints the guy from texas gave me, of which i only smoked one-
were a key. I planned to go to the coast with texas guy and new york
girl, but they left me and it didnt work out how i wanted it to. But i
got a ride from other dudes because i had a joint! So it worked out,
texas guy gave me the key (joint) and my ride was the door. But i had
to give up what i thought 'should' would work out.

Also, i wrote that i met a dude called Abel and that there was a sad
bit. but i didnt say why it was sad. Ok so i went to a party with him,
we didnt talk too much, he took off that night, the next day at around
9 p.m. he came to the casa rasta, we were watching a movie, from there
we all went to get some tacos and he came along, while we went to the
tacos he was really quiet and looking for someone to talk to, but i
was on my own trip thinking about all this shit, and not talking to
him and also being worried that i should be talking to him etc.

and then he took a turn and was gone. I realized that everything is a
constant test, at that point Abel was like Jesus, and just like
everyone and everything is, or fuckit, lets skip jesus, this cunt was
god yeah, and i was all worried, didnt talk to the cunt, and he left.

Which sucks cuz he lives in a place that im going to be travelling to
soon, and he's a tour guide and i could've hooked up some free
accommodation. but because i was too busy thinking what i could get
out of him, and also worrying about what to say and doing everything
other than focusing, being here and now, and talking to him, so he
dissappeared. Stupid i am.

So yeah, I think its a simple lesson to learn but its hard to master..
like all good puzzles.

The end.

   [ posted by Mr.P @ 05:08 ]

"Sinuhe.. what does it mean?"
"Its egyptian, there is a great story behind my name"
"So which is it gonna be?"
"This, it's a fossilised snail over 5 million years old, I want you to have it"
"Wow."

Dont ever underestimate the power of hooking up a stranger.
_______________

Sinuhe walked up to me in the morning with his daughter, he was travelling and desperate for a smoke, I said I couldnt help him right now, but I could meet him at Santo Domingo at nine. He didnt expect I'd show up.

With him were his wife, his baby girl and his best buddy Mario, all headed to San Cristobal, selling supplies to artisans along the way. I was with Enit, the cute girl with glasses who likes to sing ice cream jingles, and on my way to a bar to watch a dumb spanish movie.

We didnt hang out much, but it was enough for me to meet Omar. I now had a contact with someone who lived in Guatemala.

A great thing to have.


__________________

Topi had gone out book shopping while I was gallivanting around town and meeting Sinuhe, who he knew nothing about.

I asked him which book he bought.

"One about an egyptian guy called Sinuhe, its meant to be great!".

I laughed at the coincidence.
__________________

   [ posted by Mr.P @ 10:26 ] 0 Comments

I wake up early to strangers walking past my new bed, the couch in the outside patio. We mumble something to each other. Cold shower, no thanks, not yet anyway. Get some breakfast, Orange juice and a Quesadilla. Yosef goes to work. I walk around town all day, trying to figure out how to read their maps properly, I get a cheap feed, go to the tourist centre and get information on how to get to all the archaeological sites. Have a few beers then get on the net.

Talk to austin about troubles at home and about scoring with american chicks, we have a laugh, i send him a foto of me and my new guitar. Im wasting too much money on internet cafes. we make plans to meet online tomorrow same time. I go back to Yosefs.





The gang is sitting around, I meet Josue, a dredded dude wearing a bandana who is into all sorts of music and cool to get along with, his friend 'El Dracula' is a bit more reserved but just as rasta, Rene, the friendly guy that suddenly picks fights with walls, Penal, the guy who looks like Snarf from the thundercats, Clay, etc. They play mexican songs till really late. I pass out and get my bed upgraded to the top of Josues bunk, its a big platform with a small window that faces the street. In the morning I get woken by the hustle and bustle. I go out and get some cheap fruit from the markets, then go to a rembrandt exhibition, also to the library, where i enjoy the thick musky scent of old books, i smell them as I flick through their yellow pages and waste a few hours there, head back to the house, we play with the bongos, we have a good jam, im pumped, I go to the net cafe/restaurant to meet Austin on time.



At the cafe the guys who I live with are playing, a happy surprise, there's a gringo girl whose eyes are sparkling, standing in the corner and digging the vibe, she's blonde and beautiful, she starts to talk to the barmaid who sits down next to her for a shot of Mezcal, its the same barmaid who had flashed me a smile on my first day here as I drank beers and waited to meet Yosef. I want to be part of that party, so i buy some smokes and a beer and ask if i can sit with them, the barmaid is Isabel, she works on audio visual presentations, her specialty is plant remedies, the blonde girl is Megan, she works at the uni, they turn out to both be friends with the band, and after the band collects some pesos we all go back to their pad to continue the party. Mezcal (a strong traditional alcohol) and Churros (joints) are passed around as everyone finds something to play on or bang a beat, guitars, jaranas, bongos, coke cans. Everyone's dancing, Isabel's dancing, to the MexiRaggae grooves. Joel the boy from Veracruz with the gigantic voice sings about love and getting high. 'If you like the marijauana put your hands in the air', we all raise our hands, everyone's having a great time, more people show up with looks of surprise as they are taken away by the spectacle. The patio turns into a dance floor, I play hyperactive beats on the back of my guitar and look around in wonder while the music plays us on through the night.

I pass out, when i wake up the previous night is but a blur, too good to be ever be remembered properly. A nasty cough is getting around, i help clean and find and old jar of cough syrup that i drink down. My clothes and money are in Yosefs room and he's gone to work, so i eat a banana and count the few pesos in my pocket. The gang sits around discussing the quality of the party last night, Lobo shows up with a fat smile and an after sex glow, he met a gringo girl who put him up in a hotel room for a night in exchange for some Mexico love. We all laugh and give him hi-5's.

More music is played, Dracula sets up a projector and we watch old school rock videos. Jimi Hendrix, Reggae Sunsplash, Free Tibet. We smoke and smoke..
___________________



I lie on the bunk looking out the small window to the Pueblo. It's a Sunday and everyone's beat. I havent seen Yosef for a while, i find out he came back late and with a girl, I have to wait for them to come out so I can get some money.

I read a book and wait for the 8:00 movie, free and just 5 minutes away.

_____

The next few days were spent getting to know the town better, I visited Monte Alban the Zapotec capital of the prehispanic times. Pyramids strategically perched on the peak of a mountain overlooking every a every bit of dirt in the surrounding area. They were breathtaking, but the most impressive thing was the nature of the site, the thick ominous clouds and the infinite view. I realized then that nothing man ever makes, regardless of its splendor, can ever compete with Nature.





__________________

I made my way to San Jose, a pueblo in the peak of Oaxacas surrounding mountains, where the earth literally touches the sky and a place famous for being the birthplace of some very strong hallucinogenic mushrooms.



The ride up was long, I soon learnt that in Mexico, when someone says 3 hours, it means 5, if they say 5 it means 9, and if they say 9, they mean 14.

Getting to San Jose, I stopped to take a photo of a donkey grazing by the road. The pueblo was cold and a fog was quickly descending.



I found a cabin and asked about the mushrooms, the owner got some for me, showed me my cabin and sat down to talk to me.
"Once you have them you're never the same! Speak to them, let them know your problems and don't get too lost"
I took his advice, had a quiet word with the mushrooms before ingesting and then waited.






I have never spoken to a tree before, or hung out with Brahman and Kali. I've never seen the universe turn into an atom, then divide and turn into a living cell, then explode and dissappear down a black hole. I have never laughed with God or gotten lost in the woods while hallucinating, or seen the history of the world and the universe.

I mean I HAD never.

All in all the trip lasted six hours, afterwards I was shook up, but happily so, on a piece of paper I scribbled...

"The issues are:

God is everywhere

I'd like to add,
he's funny."

I cannot remember much, though I know the night ended with me on my knees, peeing into the bin in the cabin, which at the time represented a yin yang, the tao, and a black hole.


_____________

I am lost in Huatulco.

Huatulco is a really snobby up itself town, the sort of place rich boring old american tourists go to because there's no hippies and the views are nice.



I had met a guy from texas and a girl from New York in San Jose, they were travelling together and passing through, I was sat by the mountain when we me and the mushrooms had not affected me yet., we started talking, they were going to the beach, I said I might go too. I asked if they had some weed. The texan said he didnt but he'd get some for me.

They left and when they got back I was talking to the mountains, I had to pretend to be straight to hold a conversation with them. I thought they'd stick around, but the dude just gave me two fat joints, a lighter, and dissappeared.

I made plans to catch a bus to the coast with them the next day, they said we'd see each other on the street, its a small town so I didnt doubt it.
I waited for 2 hours and they didnt show, so I got up and walked.

Walking was stupid, the next town was 15 hours walking away, but I did it anyway. A car passes and stops next to me with three dudes in it, they ask if ive got some weed, I say I only have a joint, you'll have to smoke it with me, and they say, where are you going, I say the coast, they say "get in we'll give you a ride!".

They were going to Huatulco, they said it was better than Puerto Angel, where I was headed, so I decided to join them. The two passengers were boyfriend and girlfriend, artisans that travel on the holliday season to the coast to make some dough, I joined them and that night we set up stalls, I helped sell some bracelets, and played the drums. They had 10 pesos when we got there but within two hours they'd made 300. They shouted me a burger, which i really needed.

We slept on some hammocks that night for free, the owner of the hammock place let us because it was his last day in business, leaving us with nowhere to sleep after that night, Huatuloc is EXPENSIVE, but I had to keep moving anyway so I left that crew.

I decided to go to Zipolite, a nudist beach about 3 hours away, where I heard I could get a cheap hammock to sleep on. I went to the bus terminal, and caught a bus and two wagons.



The wagons are like utes, you sit on the back with the wind rushing past you making you feel like youre on an african safari, and theyre cheap, then it suddenly stops, I was the only one on. The driver says, you have to get out, there's another wagon coming for you.

The next wagon comes and i get on it, there's two guys finishing off a spliff. I say, shit, im too late. They say, no man, we'll make some more. I smile and smile.

We smoke and talk, their names are Torta and Flavian, they come from San Jose, and work in a skate shop in Juarez, a city in the North of the country, bordering the United States.

Juarez the city is famous for the ammount of random murders of indigenous women -

Over 2000 women have been killed and mutilated, there's cases where burning hot coals are placed inside their vaginas, their breasts are cut off, their eyes burnt and gouged out etc.. some people suspect that it's Snuff, others Narcos, either way, nothing has been done, or is being done about it.

We got to Zipolite, rented some hammocks, got some beers, and dropped the few mushrooms we had left.

The next twenty four hours I am not inclined to dicuss, suffice to say they could have been the most interesting and out of this world hours of my life, and having nothing to do with the mushrooms but with a series of events involving a stolen wallet, a dealer from Monterrey called Jesus, a shooting star, and a jar of the delicious caramel Cajeta.

I lost my wallet, but I slept happy that night.
__________________

I was lent a hundred pesos by Flavian to catch a bus back to Oaxaca city where most of my money is. We made a deal to meet on Sunday so I could pay him back. The bus trip was long, curvy, and sickly. By the time I got to Oaxaca I was ready to vomit and pass out. I went to a party however, then passed out.
__________________

Today is Sunday,

The orchestra wasnt great, but it was Penas idea, Lobo was out of his mind on mushrooms I'd brought back for him. We stayed for some songs then we went to an art exhibition. The artist was a called Dr.Lakra, 50's asthetic mixed with a very perverse tattooists mind, I think the most philosophical piece was one that said "Its not about how much you piss, its about how much foam you make".

We left the expo and went to the centre of town where they were setting up fireworks, we stuck around, I was pretty excited. Before the fireworks there was a procession of a giant cross, with Jesus on it, and a group of old people singing while they walked him around a few blocks. When they got back the fireworks started.

First these crazy guys get a wooden bull, loaded him up with fireworks, stuck him on their head, turned it on, and ran around shooting fireworks out at everyone, tourists run away screaming, it was loud, scary, exciting and wild. I was on the floor laughing, when not shielding myself from the oncoming explosions. After they do that three or four times, they light up the real thing, which is a huge tower made out of wood, covered in fireworks, its got wheels sticking it of it that spin and shit and shoot everywhere. They are the best fireworks i have ever seen in my life.

As each part lights up, it paints a picture, the first pictures are circles, then a cup, that turns into a dove that turns into a flower. Then up the top is Jesus on the cross and he burns up to a cacophony of whistles and screams, its was so bright i dont think ive ever seen anything brighter, when the fireworks start up its total chaos. Its like watching the big bang.

I simply can not explain how impressive this light show was.

BANG! The whole thing shoots up 200 metres into the air end EXPLODES! BOOM! Fireworks, oohs and aahs, then a band starts playing and everyone cheers. Then the church (it was the churches anniversary we were celebrating) lights up too, and fireworks, more like sparks that fall, cover the churchs and everyone goes home or stays to dance.

I meet Flavian and Torta to return the lent money, then go back to the house, drink some beers, play some music, pass out.

Joe is annoyed because I didnt bring him back anything from San Jose.
_________________

Im settled and everything is in a state of perfection. Its raining.
_________________

Mitla is not that exciting, and not worth 30 pesos. I wish I hadnt gone, the bus trip was long and uncomfortable, it was raining, the vendors weren't nice.





_________________

There's a couple sleeping under my bunk now, Topi and Diana, they're from Finland and Italy and they're nice. Today we went walking in the forest, we made friends with a dog who acted as our guide. We got some beers. I went back home, I was beat.





At home I was the only one there, I was brushing my teeth and a couple walked in, from France, and looking for a guy who lived in the house 2 years ago. I tell them I dont know, but they can stick around, we make plans to meet later.
_________________

   [ posted by Mr.P @ 08:51 ] 0 Comments

Lots of crazy interesting things have happenned lately. Ive hitched rides, been to mountains, been to beaches, had my wallet stolen, met lots of people, eaten weird things, seen fireworks, orchestras, shooting stars..

Here's some pictures of San Jose



This was the view when I started shrooming.


This was the view the next morning from my cabin.


This is a photo I took by mistake.


This is a dog that followed me around, he was awesome.

   [ posted by Mr.P @ 03:14 ] 0 Comments

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